T-Shirt: Male Version

ey, let me tell you know.
ohhhh girl.

trying to decide, trying to decide if i,
really wanna go out tonight.
i never used to go out without ya,
not sure i remember how to.
gonna be late gonna be late but,
all my bros gon have to wait cause,
your leavin' me made me feel like shit
i tried every pill in my cab'net.

I don't feel right now I'm not with you,
sick of this tux and my favorite shoes.
don' wanna go out 'coz I hurtin' too,
Just wanna get off when I think of you.
ima step out of my Escalade, go back
to my room and masturbate.
in bed i wait, just thinkin' back on times now gone,
oh, with nothing but a T-shirt on.

hey, gotta get goin' gotta get goin' but
i really feel I should stay home.
i thought maybe i'd do some clubbin',
but i couldn't get past the door and,
now i don't know now i don't know if i'm,
ever really gonna let you go and i,
can't forget the feel of your kiss.
The problem is of a weary love missed.

I don't feel right now I'm not with you,
sick of this tux and my favorite shoes.
don' wanna go out 'coz I hurtin' too,
Just wanna get off when I think of you.
ima step out of my Escalade,
go back to my room and mastubate.
in bed i wait, just thinkin' back on times now gone,
oh, with nothing but a T-shirt on.

trying to decide, trying to decide if i,
really wanna go out tonight.
i can't forget the feel of your kiss,
the problem is of a weary love missed.

I don't feel right now I'm not with you,
sick of this tux and my favorite shoes.
don' wanna go out 'coz I hurtin' too,
Just wanna get off when I think of you.
ima step out of my Escalade,
go back to my room and masturbate.
in bed i wait, just thinkin' back on times now gone,
oh, with nothing but a T-shirt on.

(again... I know this is soooo PI, but indulge me... This should be vulgar male version...)

Manong Guard and Friendster

I'm in the CTC net lab. (CTC112, not CTC101. Yes, CTC112 is open)
There's a manong guard beside me.
He's typing his status report.
He's also updating his Friendster account.
He's smiling. He looks happy.
Go manong guard O.o

Sobrino :'(

By the last page, my tears were flowing freely, as if fountains pouring from a well long untapped.

By some strange boredom, I picked up my Liberation Theology book and took a second read at "Awakening From The Sleep of Inhumanity" by Fr. Jon Sobrino SJ. I know the church calls his work dangerous, but I find beauty in his passion. Anyway...

“Little by little, I came face to face with the truly poor, and I am convinced that
they were the ones who brought about the final awakening. Once awakened,
my questions—and especially my answers to the questions—became radically
different.”

“The joy which comes when we
are willing to change our vision in order to see what had been there, unnoticed,
all along, and to change hearts of stone into hearts of flesh—in other words, to
be moved to compassion and mercy."

~

Although we are, wounded, defeated... We are still in a place I call... Home. Thanks so much guys.

Curly Top (Unfinished)

Yesterday, I went to the mall
There I saw my friend Curly Top
He was with some bimbo, shakin' her ass round the second floor
they were holding hands, together in the escalator
at once I called his name out, and when he took a look back
I had to scream my lungs out, Hey! Hey! That's my girl, man!

Hey hey you schmuck why did you take a shot at my girlfriend the slut?
Hey hey you schmuck why did you take a shot at my girlfriend the slut?
Hey hey you schmuck why did you take a shot at my girlfriend the slut?
Hey hey you schmuck why did you take a shot at my girlfriend the slut?

Finality

I had a dream last night that was both self-revealing and a bit melodramatic...
Forgive me if this seems like a stereotypical (as Sanny put it) "Mic Post." I promise, I'm still on sabbatical.

[Fade open lights] [Start scene]

(It's late at night. Mic and Iris sitting on the curb on Taft avenue, directly in front of Beanhoppers. Jeepneys pass them by, and on rarer occasion, a person passes by. Mic is holding a cup in his hand, and is wearing a long sleeve shirt that covers his hands.)

Mic: (sips from his cup and sighs)
Iris: (scoffs)
Mic: (lets out a single strong cough, rubs his chest, then hunches his back in exhaustion)
Iris: Are you okay?
Mic: (nods head and smiles)
Iris: Okay.
Mic: (starts coughing continuous loud straining, hacking coughs)
Iris: [as Mic coughs] Mickey! Mickey!
Mic: (coughing stops, but is still wheezing. He looks into the palm of his hand and sees blood splatters on the sleeve covering his hand.) [Zoom into bllod stain] (he stares non chalantly at the stain)
Iris: Ano problema?
Mic: (shows her the sleeve)
Iris: (freezes in her disbelief) Uuy. Uuuuy! Ano ba! Walang ganyanan!
Mic: E, ganun e.
Iris: (begins to cry) wala namang ganyan! Ano ba! Dali pumunta muna tayong ospital, wala lang yan! (stands to hail a jeepney to PGH)
Mic: (pulls her back down) Wag na. Actually, I'm kinda relieved.
Iris: Bakit naman?
Mic: Mapapakawalan ko na rin itong buhay na to. (looks up at the LRT line) Mabuti na ang mamatay ng unti-unti kaysa yung sa biglaan. Parang 2 months notice before retiring for good. I can finish up all I need to finish up, and I can say good bye to everybody.
Iris: Sandali ang, tawagan ko lang sina Meg at Thea...
Mic: Forget it. Iiyak lang yan.

[Mic wakes up]

What was most unnerving was the fact that I felt a general sense of relief in the dream, and during my waking moments. I did self hypnosis just to try to return to my dream and make sense of it, and self hypnosis concurred with my initial thought, that my feeling of irrelevance has caused me to think of giving up, instead of leading me to do something about it. I'd rather give the world notice that: "Hey, I'm leaving but you never really needed me anyway" than to make use of my capabilities. What's my point in sharing this then? Within this smile lays a man on the brink of losing himself, deeper than he has lost himself before. No one really asks others to make them feel relevant. Relevance is a concept of the self. All I've really asked from anyone is conversation. As I've continually said from the old schizophrenia, up to the current Mikecab: I need to know you.

A Farewell to Mikecab

I realized how annoying it is to constantly have to market my work without actually making it obvious that I am marketing my work. I don't write for myself. I'm not a narcissist. I want to share, and people say, "nah... not worth sharing, and not worth my time." I know I'm didactic, but wtf. I just need to know I'm reaching out to someone. If not, it's all pointless. So there. I guess my work is irrelevant. That so, I am irrelevant. I'm going on sabbatical. I'll read a few notations on creative nonfiction just to brush up, so that one day, maybe, I can be relevant. All works in the near future will either be in the realm of pop literature, or past works. Thanks for all those who supported me over the years, and I'm sorry for taking your time.

This is the end of mikecab. Finally, the schizophrenia and it's subsequent evolutions can cease to exist. It's time for me to possibly develop beyond the anonymity of cyber space... If I can stand it long enough.

goodbye mikecab (multiply and plurk) we had some great times.