Its so cool... read it... Cupid and Psyche

Apuleius' tale of Cupid and Psyche A certain king and queen had three daughters. The charms of the two elder were more than common, but the beauty of the youngest was so wonderful that the poverty of language is unable to express its due praise. The fame of her beauty was so great that strangers from neighboring countries came in crowds to enjoy the sight, and looked on her with amazement, paying her that homage which is due only to Venus herself. In fact, Venus found her altars deserted, while men turned their devotion to this young virgin. As she passed along, the people sang her praises, and strewed her way with chaplets and flowers. This homage to the exaltation of a mortal gave great offense to the real Venus. Shaking her ambrosial locks with indignation, she exclaimed, "Am I then to be eclipsed in my honors by a mortal girl? In vain then did that royal shepherd, whose judgment was approved by Jove himself, give me the palm of beauty over my illustrious rivals, Pallas and Juno? But she shall not so quietly usurp my honors. I will give her cause to repent of so unlawful a beauty." Thereupon she calls her winged son Cupid, mischievous enough in his own nature, and rouses and provokes him yet more by her complaints. She points out Psyche to him and says, "My dear son, punish that contumacious beauty; give your mother a revenge as sweet as her injuries are great; infuse into the bosom of that haughty girl a passion for some low, mean, unworthy being, so that she may reap a mortification as great as her present exultation and triumph." Cupid prepared to obey the commands of his mother. There are two fountains in Venus's garden, one of sweet waters, the other of bitter. Cupid filled two amber vases, one from each fountain, and suspending them from the top of his quiver, hastened to the chamber of Psyche, whom he found asleep. He shed a few drops from the bitter fountain over her lips, though the sight of her almost moved him to pity; then touched her side with the point of his arrow. At the touch she awoke, and opened eyes upon Cupid (himself invisible), which so startled him that in his confusion he wounded himself with his own arrow. Heedless of his wound, his whole thought now was to repair the mischief he had done, and he poured the balmy drops of joy over all her silken ringlets. Psyche, henceforth frowned upon by Venus, derived no benefit from all her charms. True, all eyes were cast eagerly upon her, and every mouth spoke her praises; but neither king, royal youth, nor plebeian presented himself to demand her in marriage. Her two elder sisters of moderate charms had now long been married to two royal princes; but Psyche, in her lonely apartment, deplored her solitude, sick of that beauty which, while it procured abundance of flattery, had failed to awaken love. Her parents, afraid that they had unwittingly incurred the anger of the gods, consulted the oracle of Apollo, and received this answer, "The virgin is destined for the bride of no mortal lover. Her future husband awaits her on the top of the mountain. He is a monster whom both gods and men fear." This dreadful decree of the oracle filled all the people with dismay, and her parents abandoned themselves to grief. But Psyche said, "Why, my dear parents, do you now lament me? You should rather have grieved when the people showered upon me undeserved honors, and with one voice called me a Venus. I now perceive that I am a victim to that name. I submit. Lead me to that rock to which my unhappy fate has destined me." Accordingly, all things being prepared, the royal maid took her place in the procession, which more resembled a funeral than a nuptial pomp, and with her parents, amid the lamentations of the people, ascended the mountain, on the summit of which they left her alone, and with sorrowful hearts returned home. While Psyche stood on the ridge of the mountain, panting with fear and with eyes full of tears, the gentle Zephyr raised her from the earth and bore her with an easy motion into a flowery dale. By degrees her mind became composed, and she laid herself down on the grassy bank to sleep. When she awoke refreshed with sleep, she looked round and beheld near a pleasant grove of tall and stately trees. She entered it, and in the midst discovered a fountain, sending forth clear and crystal waters, and fast by, a magnificent palace whose august front impressed the spectator that it was not the work of mortal hands, but the happy retreat of some god. Drawn by admiration and wonder, she approached the building and ventured to enter. Every object she met filled her with pleasure and amazement. Golden pillars supported the vaulted roof, and the walls were enriched with carvings and paintings representing beasts of the chase and rural scenes, adapted to delight the eye of the beholder. Proceeding onward, she perceived that besides the apartments of state there were others filled with all manner of treasures, and beautiful and precious productions of nature and art. While her eyes were thus occupied, a voice addressed her, though she saw no one, uttering these words, "Sovereign lady, all that you see is yours. We whose voices you hear are your servants and shall obey all your commands with our utmost care and diligence. Retire, therefore, to your chamber and repose on your bed of down, and when you see fit, repair to the bath. Supper awaits you in the adjoining alcove when it pleases you to take your seat there." Psyche gave ear to the admonitions of her vocal attendants, and after repose and the refreshment of the bath, seated herself in the alcove, where a table immediately presented itself, without any visible aid from waiters or servants, and covered with the greatest delicacies of food and the most nectareous wines. Her ears too were feasted with music from invisible performers; of whom one sang, another played on the lute, and all closed in the wonderful harmony of a full chorus. She had not yet seen her destined husband. He came only in the hours of darkness and fled before the dawn of morning, but his accents were full of love, and inspired a like passion in her. She often begged him to stay and let her behold him, but he would not consent. On the contrary he charged her to make no attempt to see him, for it was his pleasure, for the best of reasons, to keep concealed. "Why should you wish to behold me?" he said. "Have you any doubt of my love? Have you any wish ungratified? If you saw me, perhaps you would fear me, perhaps adore me, but all I ask of you is to love me. I would rather you would love me as an equal than adore me as a god." This reasoning somewhat quieted Psyche for a time, and while the novelty lasted she felt quite happy. But at length the thought of her parents, left in ignorance of her fate, and of her sisters, precluded from sharing with her the delights of her situation, preyed on her mind and made her begin to feel her palace as but a splendid prison. When her husband came one night, she told him her distress, and at last drew from him an unwilling consent that her sisters should be brought to see her. So, calling Zephyr, she acquainted him with her husband's commands, and he, promptly obedient, soon brought them across the mountain down to their sister's valley. They embraced her and she returned their caresses. "Come," said Psyche, "enter with me my house and refresh yourselves with whatever your sister has to offer." Then taking their hands she led them into her golden palace, and committed them to the care of her numerous train of attendant voices, to refresh them in her baths and at her table, and to show them all her treasures. The view of these celestial delights caused envy to enter their bosoms, at seeing their young sister possessed of such state and splendor, so much exceeding their own. They asked her numberless questions, among others what sort of a person her husband was. Psyche replied that he was a beautiful youth, who generally spent the daytime in hunting upon the mountains. The sisters, not satisfied with this reply, soon made her confess that she had never seen him. Then they proceeded to fill her bosom with dark suspicions. "Call to mind," they said, "the Pythian oracle that declared you destined to marry a direful and tremendous monster. The inhabitants of this valley say that your husband is a terrible and monstrous serpent, who nourishes you for a while with dainties that he may by and by devour you. Take our advice. Provide yourself with a lamp and a sharp knife; put them in concealment that your husband may not discover them, and when he is sound asleep, slip out of bed, bring forth your lamp, and see for yourself whether what they say is true or not. If it is, hesitate not to cut off the monster's head, and thereby recover your liberty." Psyche resisted these persuasions as well as she could, but they did not fail to have their effect on her mind, and when her sisters were gone, their words and her own curiosity were too strong for her to resist. So she prepared her lamp and a sharp knife, and hid them out of sight of her husband. When he had fallen into his first sleep, she silently rose and uncovering her lamp beheld not a hideous monster, but the most beautiful and charming of the gods, with his golden ringlets wandering over his snowy neck and crimson cheek, with two dewy wings on his shoulders, whiter than snow, and with shining feathers like the tender blossoms of spring. As she leaned the lamp over to have a better view of his face, a drop of burning oil fell on the shoulder of the god. Startled, he opened his eyes and fixed them upon her. Then, without saying a word, he spread his white wings and flew out of the window. Psyche, in vain endeavoring to follow him, fell from the window to the ground. Cupid, beholding her as she lay in the dust, stopped his flight for an instant and said, "Oh foolish Psyche, is it thus you repay my love? After I disobeyed my mother's commands and made you my wife, will you think me a monster and cut off my head? But go; return to your sisters, whose advice you seem to think preferable to mine. I inflict no other punishment on you than to leave you for ever. Love cannot dwell where there is no trust." So saying, he fled away, leaving poor Psyche prostrate on the ground, filling the place with mournful lamentations. When she had recovered some degree of composure she looked around her, but the palace and gardens had vanished, and she found herself in the open field not far from the city where her sisters dwelt. She repaired thither and told them the whole story of her misfortunes, at which, pretending to grieve, those spiteful creatures inwardly rejoiced. "For now," said they, "he will perhaps choose one of us." With this idea, without saying a word of her intentions, each of them rose early the next morning and ascended the mountain, and having reached the top, called upon Zephyr to receive her and bear her to his lord; then leaping up, and not being sustained by Zephyr, fell down the precipice and was dashed to pieces. Psyche meanwhile wandered day and night, without food or repose, in search of her husband. Casting her eyes on a lofty mountain having on its brow a magnificent temple, she sighed and said to herself, "Perhaps my love, my lord, inhabits there," and directed her steps thither. She had no sooner entered than she saw heaps of corn, some in loose ears and some in sheaves, with mingled ears of barley. Scattered about, lay sickles and rakes, and all the instruments of harvest, without order, as if thrown carelessly out of the weary reapers' hands in the sultry hours of the day. This unseemly confusion the pious Psyche put an end to, by separating and sorting everything to its proper place and kind, believing that she ought to neglect none of the gods, but endeavor by her piety to engage them all in her behalf. The holy Ceres, whose temple it was, finding her so religiously employed, thus spoke to her, "Oh Psyche, truly worthy of our pity, though I cannot shield you from the frowns of Venus, yet I can teach you how best to allay her displeasure. Go, then, and voluntarily surrender yourself to your lady and sovereign, and try by modesty and submission to win her forgiveness, and perhaps her favor will restore you the husband you have lost." Psyche obeyed the commands of Ceres and took her way to the temple of Venus, endeavoring to fortify her mind and ruminating on what she should say and how best propitiate the angry goddess, feeling that the issue was doubtful and perhaps fatal. Venus received her with angry countenance. "Most undutiful and faithless of servants," said she, "do you at last remember that you really have a mistress? Or have you rather come to see your sick husband, yet laid up of the wound given him by his loving wife? You are so ill favored and disagreeable that the only way you can merit your lover must be by dint of industry and diligence. I will make trial of your housewifery." Then she ordered Psyche to be led to the storehouse of her temple, where was laid up a great quantity of wheat, barley, millet, vetches, beans, and lentils prepared for food for her pigeons, and said, "Take and separate all these grains, putting all of the same kind in a parcel by themselves, and see that you get it done before evening." Then Venus departed and left her to her task. But Psyche, in a perfect consternation at the enormous work, sat stupid and silent, without moving a finger to the inextricable heap. While she sat despairing, Cupid stirred up the little ant, a native of the fields, to take compassion on her. The leader of the anthill, followed by whole hosts of his six-legged subjects, approached the heap, and with the utmost diligence taking grain by grain, they separated the pile, sorting each kind to its parcel; and when it was all done, they vanished out of sight in a moment. Venus at the approach of twilight returned from the banquet of the gods, breathing odors and crowned with roses. Seeing the task done, she exclaimed, "This is no work of yours, wicked one, but his, whom to your own and his misfortune you have enticed." So saying, she threw her a piece of black bread for her supper and went away. Next morning Venus ordered Psyche to be called and said to her, "Behold yonder grove which stretches along the margin of the water. There you will find sheep feeding without a shepherd, with golden-shining fleeces on their backs. Go, fetch me a sample of that precious wool gathered from every one of their fleeces." Psyche obediently went to the riverside, prepared to do her best to execute the command. But the river god inspired the reeds with harmonious murmurs, which seemed to say, "Oh maiden, severely tried, tempt not the dangerous flood, nor venture among the formidable rams on the other side, for as long as they are under the influence of the rising sun, they burn with a cruel rage to destroy mortals with their sharp horns or rude teeth. But when the noontide sun has driven the cattle to the shade, and the serene spirit of the flood has lulled them to rest, you may then cross in safety, and you will find the woolly gold sticking to the bushes and the trunks of the trees." Thus the compassionate river god gave Psyche instructions how to accomplish her task, and by observing his directions she soon returned to Venus with her arms full of the golden fleece; but she received not the approbation of her implacable mistress, who said, "I know very well it is by none of your own doings that you have succeeded in this task, and I am not satisfied yet that you have any capacity to make yourself useful. But I have another task for you. Here, take this box and go your way to the infernal shades, and give this box to Proserpine and say, 'My mistress Venus desires you to send her a little of your beauty, for in tending her sick son she has lost some of her own.' Be not too long on your errand, for I must paint myself with it to appear at the circle of the gods and goddesses this evening." Psyche was now satisfied that her destruction was at hand, being obliged to go with her own feet directly down to Erebus. Wherefore, to make no delay of what was not to be avoided, she goes to the top of a high tower to precipitate herself headlong, thus to descend the shortest way to the shades below. But a voice from the tower said to her, "Why, poor unlucky girl, do you design to put an end to your days in so dreadful a manner? And what cowardice makes you sink under this last danger who have been so miraculously supported in all your former?" Then the voice told her how by a certain cave she might reach the realms of Pluto, and how to avoid all the dangers of the road, to pass by Cerberus, the three-headed dog, and prevail on Charon, the ferryman, to take her across the black river and bring her back again. But the voice added, "When Proserpine has given you the box filled with her beauty, of all things this is chiefly to be observed by you, that you never once open or look into the box nor allow your curiosity to pry into the treasure of the beauty of the goddesses." Psyche, encouraged by this advice, obeyed it in all things, and taking heed to her ways traveled safely to the kingdom of Pluto. She was admitted to the palace of Proserpine, and without accepting the delicate seat or delicious banquet that was offered her, but contented with coarse bread for her food, she delivered her message from Venus. Presently the box was returned to her, shut and filled with the precious commodity. Then she returned the way she came, and glad was she to come out once more into the light of day. But having got so far successfully through her dangerous task a longing desire seized her to examine the contents of the box. "What," said she, "shall I, the carrier of this divine beauty, not take the least bit to put on my cheeks to appear to more advantage in the eyes of my beloved husband!" So she carefully opened the box, but found nothing there of any beauty at all, but an infernal and truly Stygian sleep, which being thus set free from its prison, took possession of her, and she fell down in the midst of the road, a sleepy corpse without sense or motion. But Cupid, being now recovered from his wound, and not able longer to bear the absence of his beloved Psyche, slipping through the smallest crack of the window of his chamber which happened to be left open, flew to the spot where Psyche lay, and gathering up the sleep from her body closed it again in the box, and waked Psyche with a light touch of one of his arrows. "Again," said he, "have you almost perished by the same curiosity. But now perform exactly the task imposed on you by my mother, and I will take care of the rest." Then Cupid, as swift as lightning penetrating the heights of heaven, presented himself before Jupiter with his supplication. Jupiter lent a favoring ear, and pleaded the cause of the lovers so earnestly with Venus that he won her consent. On this he sent Mercury to bring Psyche up to the heavenly assembly, and when she arrived, handing her a cup of ambrosia, he said, "Drink this, Psyche, and be immortal; nor shall Cupid ever break away from the knot in which he is tied, but these nuptials shall be perpetual." Thus Psyche became at last united to Cupid, and in due time they had a daughter born to them whose name was Pleasure.

Brothering

Okay... short post lang... Br. Andrew Gonzales FSC passed away last Saturday. Let's all pray for him, and may he pray for us.

Animo!

1. ANO'NG STUDENT NUMBER MO?`10525653 2. NAKAPASA KA BA OR WAITLISTED?pass... napa APEX panga e. 3. PANO MO NALAMAN ANG ENTRANCE EXAMRESULT? txt line 4. FIRST CHOICE MO BA ANG LASALLE? 3rd actually. 5. ALAM MO BA ANG DLSUCET SCORE MO? ayaw nila ibigay, tinanong ko nga e... 6. ANO ANG FIRST CHOICE MO NA COURSE? BS-PSYC (ma course) 7. SECOND CHOICE? LiaCom BSC Marketing AB Psyc 8. ANO COURSE MO NGAYON? BS_PSYC 9. MAY PLANO KA MAG-SHIFT? sa ibang school. 10. CHINITO/CHINITA KA BA? wala kahit isang marka 11. TAGA-DLS Greenhills/ Zobel k ba? Thank God no. 12. NAG-ENJOY KA BA SA SALIKSIK? NOONONONONONOONONONONONONO!!!! 13. SAANG GATE KA PUMASOK NUNG FIRSTDAY? southgate 14. NAKAPAG-DORM KA NA BA? no. 15. NAKA 0.0 KA NA BA? Stat... bakit... *hikbi* 16. NAGKA-4.0? ya. 17. HIGHEST GRADE: 4.0 18. LOWEST: 0.0 19. WORST EXPERIENCE SA DLSU: nung pumasok ako sa DLSU. 20. LAGI KA BANG PUMAPASOK SA KLASE? *looks away pretending not to hear* 21. ANO'NG ORG MO? mtm 22. MAY SCHOLARSHIP KA BA? la e. 23. ILANG UNITS NA ANG NAIPASA MO? maraming marami 24. NANGANGARAP KA BA NA MAG-CUMLAUDE? *wishing wishing* 25. KELAN KA MAGTATAPOS? 2008 26. FAVE TEACHER: Drs. Bascara and Carandang. 27. WORST TEACHER: si DE GUZMAN!!! AGAHHGGHGHG!!!. 28. FAVE SUBJECT: Compana! 29. WORST SUBJECT: Anthrop!!! AGHGHGHGHGGHHH!!! 30. FAVE LANDMARK SA DLSU: Chapelle 31. BUILDING: Yuchengo!!! 32. PABORITONG KAINAN: Z superscript 2! 34. ESTUDYANTE BA ANG BINABAYAD MO SAJEEP?` hindi 35. LAGI KA BA SA LIB? minsan minsan 36. NAGPUNTA KA BA SA CLINIC NUNG MINSANGNAGKASAKIT KA? nope. 37. MAY CRUSH KA BA SA CAMPUS? mga pangit silang lahat! 38. BF/GF? nopii. 39. MAY BALAK KA BA MAG-MASTERS O MAG-PHD? gusto ko MD. 40. ANU-ANO ANG MGA NAGING PE MO? Special, Volleyball, at Table Tennis . 41. KAMUSTA NAMAN ANG BLOCK NYO? I wuv u LR45! 42. NAKAPANOOD KA NA BA NG GRADUATIONSA LASALLE? errr... NR. 43. MEMORIZE MO BA ANG ALMA MATER SONG? Pati Ateneo, gusto mo? 44. MEMORIZE MO BA ANG REKTIKANO? hindi 45. E ANG BUMAKAYA? Fabilioh kaya ko. 46. E ANG LASALLE SPELLING? Halikinu? 47. MEMBER KA BA NG DLSU VARSITY TEAM? hindi 48. Sino ang paborito mong Green Archer? ung statue sa central plaza! 49. Naka-perfect ka na ba ng exam? dami na... 50. Anong ayaw mo sa Finals Week? pa magulo ung sked 51. Dito ka ba natuto uminom ng beer? magaral ka sa CSA tingnan natin kung d ka iinom. 52. Dito ka ba na-devirginize? *looks awkwardly at the ceiling* 53. Anong gusto mo sa school natin? ung Kwek-kwek, ung block 54. Anong ayaw mo? NR... 55. Bumili ka na ba sa bookstore sa SportsComplex? yap yap. 56. Eh dun sa bookstore sa may SPS? yap yap 57. Maganda ba ID pic mo? yuckish 58. Nawala mo na ba ID mo? oo HAHAHAHHAHA 59. May ginawa ka na bang illegal sa loob ngcampus? like? 60. Nag-Starbucks ka na ba sa Taft? sino bang hindi...

CWTS

Fun ulit... at least now I memorized their names! Albert and Harris! They both have nominal problems, and Harris is having muchos problemas en Mathematica.

My Brothers

Jeddy visited the Christian Brothers' open house yeaterday, and she subsequently wrote about it in her blog. I in turn read her blog, became intrigued with said open house, and as a result, I pulled Anjo away from lunch in order to accompany me to the fourth floor of La Salle Hall. The ascent was an awkward one, as we didn't know what awaited us when we reached the top landing. As we arrived at the door that led into the Brothers' quarters, we felt hesitant to enter, until we saw three women our age inside already. We were greeted by a tour guide, who showed us the different areas in the quarters. The whole place had a nostalgic feel to it. It smelled of mothballs and cleaned wood, exactly how most other religious communities smelled, but the scent boasted of something different. It was probably the Manila pollution mixing with the clean fourth floor air, but at any cost, it seemed more welcoming than any other religious quarters. Their rooms are simple, comprising only of a bed, a desk, some shelves, and the bathroom. On one side lay the chapel. It was of generous size, and could fit many just enough people. What's special about said chapel is that it's soundproof. At another end is the library, it is just enough for a community of twenty or so people, but of course could never compare to the University Library. At the South end is the kitche, dining room (woah.) and the Japanese garden. It could use some renovations, but it looks nice. That's all so far. I'm thinking of.... wag na, pagtatawanan nyo lang ako.

New Name People!

No more Mickey, it sounds gay. I'm Sid. Sid as in Capt'n Sid butong Pakwan or whatever. I'm Sid. S I D Sid. Okies?

The FY page

http://www.silverraven.com/FY.HTM erm.... I found this really foul. I just wanted to share.

Oye chico!

Looks nice no? WAHOO!!! eat that "cute" "smart" and "witty" lasallians!!!

Crappy (shalalala) It's so damn Crappy (shalalala)

Forget the crap I just fed you yesterday. It's crap. I have too many feelings to express, and that was just one f-ing weird post... I wuv you guys!!!!! I wuv you all!!!! You guys are soooo important to me!!!! Yes, I'm intoxicated. Alcohol AND uncooked, unfresh (is that a word? no.) tuna. Wahoo!!!! “The time has come,” the Walrus said,“To talk of many things:Of shoes—and ships—and sealing wax—Of cabbages—and kings—And why the sea is boiling hot—And whether pigs have wings.”

Betrayal of Self Identity

This is my Bicentinneal post... I mean when you add my two blogs together. It couldn't have come at a better time... since I am at one of the lowest points in my life. I am Michael Cabauatan. I am in college. I am a male of eighteen years of age, and I have resigned to fate. I don't expect anyone to read this, as I don't expect anyone to understand. All I can truly hope is that someone is willing enough to care what I say and spend time trying to understand me. In the end, you can really never understand someone else, but the fact that you tried... That is all that matters to me. Or maybe I don't want you to understand... Maybe I hide myself so that I can say that no one understands me. How antisocial am I? So antisocial, that only God understands me. I could live life alone, all I ask is that I have one other to share my life with... I wish that my future would be insular. I want to help the world, in any way I can, but I want the least amount of people knowing what I do for them. I want to be alone. I want to wallow in my own despair. I don't want others to know, although I secretely wish people would care. I would break down and cry evry night, yet have a faint ray of hope in knowing that I do what I have to do, in the best of my ability. That would be life for me. I want to understand humanity, but I don't expect humanity to understand me. My life is to be spent in the service of others, forsaking myself. After all, what am I but just another human being, who reaches out to other human beings? Who am I to say I am different from everyone else? Self perceptions are oftentimes biased. I want to love, but expect no love in return. I want to give hope to those who have none, and I expect to keep none for myself. Yet, I want not to be recognized. I wish to die with only a handful of people present at my funeral, to be anonymous. All I would ask is that the world spread the love I give. Love is a gift of God. It isn't meant to be kept in a box, locked up used only on one's self. It is meant to be shared. Meant to be given away, with no expectance of reciprocation. The true beauty of it all is that you can give it all away, but you always get something in return. Either reciprocation, or the memory of loving another. You lose nothing when you love, I guess all you lose is your self identity. You become love itself. That is love's perfection.

whoopie

Oh yeah, Pacquiao (is that the spelling) won a while ago... congrats. I hate boxing. Congrats anyway.

Mary's debut is on Feb. 14th... and I'm a dancing person... It's odd having to practice so long for 5 minutes of dance. 5 Sundays for practices... hmm... I don't even look good dancing. Anyway... had a fun week. CWTS was yesterday, had a blast. It was one of those days... you know, when nothing seems to make sense... I kept on pinching myself to make sure I wsasn't dreaming... The whole thing was surreal... It was odd... really odd...

Sad

I wasn't able to go to Meg's party although I was dying to go... long story. I'm so depressed right now, but I can't express it here... for now...

Pricking

I'm going to Meggger's birthday bonanza today. We're probably going to eat in Big Buddha (again) and then go to Temple (again). I still don't know what to get Meg, but I'm sure I can find something by later. Maybe an advance ticket to "Memoirs of a Geisha." That'll be fun. That's all for now... I have lots of things to do to prepare for CWTS: Diaz Uno. Just a thought, should I eat Lemon Chicken, or Mapo Tofu? Lalang. Kudos guys.

I'll make this a little bit long

I don't like making long posts. Don't get me wrong, I love to write, but I'd rather have a short intense post rather than a long ranting, cyclic one. Anyway, I'm here to talk of other things. I went to Gabby's birthday party this afternoon. It's nice to finally meet the man in Thea's life :) I had an absolutely wonderful time. It was fun spending some quality conversation time with some blockies, bless their little hearts, it's truly a memorable experience. Of the time we spent together in Thea's domicile, my favorite would be when Gabby opened the gifts. Well, actually Thea and Karlo did it for him. Gabby recieved from Talitha, a toy car with Winnie the Pooh and Piglet riding it. Its one of those battery operated nonstop cars, wherein when they bump into a wall, they sort of turn to go towards a different direction. It's a cool toy, except it plays the same Aqua song over and over again when you activate it, so annoying. Karlo got Gabby a set of hankerchiefs, which Gabby... liked... Anjo got him alphabet blocks, Yeng and Keisha got him a tshirt, Carl got him angpao, Fionna got him a super cute stuffed green die, and I got him a teddy bear. I never expected him to like the teddy bear, but I wanted to make sure that everybody enjoyed my wrapping, so I spent an hour wrapping my gift... It was beautiful, I'm so vain. I loved today. It was so euphoric. I like that word... euphoria... That's all so far... Belated Happy Birthday Gabby!

Pissed

We had sort of an argument... my family... I shouted, they shouted, they say Im childish, I say theyre shallow, they get mad, I scream, I go to bed, and never expect them to understand me ever.

I took the ACET. f-ing hard. Again. Harder than last year.

Grumble...

ACET tomorrow... really worried... really worried...

Hmm...

You really don't have to listen. It's your choice.

deux aneé

Notice the current blog song? It's dedicated to someone... It's been two years since I've done that stupid thing... So it's kinda our "anniversary." I really did love you. You were more to me than just a normal friend... I was scared. I didn't know what to do, how to go about it... I was torn by you, although you didn't know what you were doing. You drove nails into my soul, you pierced me, promising to heal me, but you left me bleeding, longing more of your torture. I wanted to reach you. I wanted to feel, to understand. I hid under what you believed was friendship. In reality though, every time you said "you're such a good friend," a part of me died, and as my self understanding was being torn apart by a false premise that I myself had set. I decided finally, it was too much. I could not take any more death without the promise of rejuvination, the promise of rebirth. I let go of you. I was afraid of knowing what would have happened if I hadn't. I fell deep. I needed you. Without you, my soul regained strength, but my world crumbled. My perspective had been altered. I was no longer the person who sought to love you, but I had become the person who thought he had never needed you. I grew stubborn. I left my world behind, I spent my time hating you, cursing your name. You didn't understand... You hurt me... I loved you. I should have never let you go. No one understood me. I stood at the verge of paranoia's peak, about to fall into the arms of self mutilation, immorality, and total abandon of will. A year had passed, a year of extreme pain. A year that I had devoted on numbing you out. I had lost most my friends, except a select few who stood by my side. I had quit all my organizations, although they were all dear to me. I had forgotten who I was, and the person being built where my old self once stood wasn't as beautiful as the original. It had been a year... and on the exact day I had thrown us into the pit of dark memories, I thought about the year that passed, how I had loathed you for your wreckless abandon, but it was at that moment I realized that nothing was your fault. My sinking into despair was not your doing, it was mine. A tear ran down my eye, everything shone clear now. It was as if the sun had risen after a year of hibernation. It was blinding. I had not stopped loving you after all... I had loved you all this time, yet as I had decided to let you go one year past, I had to find a reason of forgetting that my feelings still existed. I immediately left the room I was currently in, paying no heed of the instructor. I ran towards the location of a dear friend of mine, to tell of my new epiphany, and who was I to come accross but you. You stared at me, only to stiffen your face as you always do to hide your true emotion. I knew you all too well. You passed me by, and as you walked further away from me, I shouted, "I'm sorry." You turned to me with an expression of relief on your face. "The last year was unbearable," I continued as you walked towards me once again. You smiled. "That's okay," you said in the all too familliar voice of warmth you possess. "Were we fighting?" Then you turned and walked away. I never really had the courage to tell you how I had felt, and even a year after patching things up, you never did find out. You never will. That's our story. This is our song. I don't know if I still love you, I probably don't, but because of you, a better me was made. I now am a manifestation of 18 years of life, and 2 years of love. I thank you for your time, and your friendship. I'm still a coward though... I know you don't read blogs, but somehow I wish you do. "Here I go, so dishonestly leave a note, for you my only one, and I know, you can see right through me, so let me go, and you will find someone..."

Get it Get it Get it Get it what?

Your Stipper Song Is

I'm a Slave 4 U by Britney Spears "I'm a slave for you. I cannot hold it; I cannot control it. I'm a slave for you. I won't deny it; I'm not trying to hide it." You may seem shy, but you can let your wild side out when you want to!

What Song Should You Strip To?

I take it all back.

I am not giving up on ateneo! Fabilioh! http://www.ateneo.edu/gallery/gallery.htm I have fought too hard to give up now! I don't belong here... I belong in Katipunan!!! I was called yet I didn't answer!!!! ONE BIG FIGHT!

Okay...

I'm still kind of depressed. Anjo and I had another ateneo conversation this lunch time... and something he said struck me... When I told him I haven't studied for the ACET yet, he replied, "That can only mean one of two things, either you think it is absolutely hopeless to transfer, or you don't want to transfer anymore." That hit me like a hypothetical bell on the head. Ouch. He's right... It's actually both. That doesn't mean that I have to throw away years worth of hopes and dreams for a group of 23 people... or maybe I'm throwing it away for the whole Lasallian package... maybe I have learned to accept it. Its not just it is almost impossible to re-enter... I have grown to love my new home... It no longer houses me... It is beloved to me... "What's truly important is invisible to the eye..." Animo Lasalle.

High school: * Colegio San Agustin Makati

AAAGGGHHH!!! Why the hell is Life so Twisted!!!

Okay...

Its f-ing new year. Its my first day of classes. My 1st day of retaking stat... It was surreal... I don't understand why I was in there... It isn't like me... nothing much... just bummed...

Whats with the world?

I'm not an english speaker. My english is imperfect. I'm not a psychologist. I don't have a liscence. I'm not compassionate. I'm not fair. I'm not gay. The thought of homosexual sex is the most disgusting thing that I have ever unwillingly thought of. I'm not me. I'm someone. I'm not wonderful. I'm not smart. I'm not great. I'm human. I am... I don't know. I know what I am not... I'm not who people say I am. I don't even understand humanity. I would like to believe you guys are right, but you're wrong. I am pitiful, or I see myself that way. What little self respect I have, I give to others... I'm confused, that's all I know I am.