Finality

I had a dream last night that was both self-revealing and a bit melodramatic...
Forgive me if this seems like a stereotypical (as Sanny put it) "Mic Post." I promise, I'm still on sabbatical.

[Fade open lights] [Start scene]

(It's late at night. Mic and Iris sitting on the curb on Taft avenue, directly in front of Beanhoppers. Jeepneys pass them by, and on rarer occasion, a person passes by. Mic is holding a cup in his hand, and is wearing a long sleeve shirt that covers his hands.)

Mic: (sips from his cup and sighs)
Iris: (scoffs)
Mic: (lets out a single strong cough, rubs his chest, then hunches his back in exhaustion)
Iris: Are you okay?
Mic: (nods head and smiles)
Iris: Okay.
Mic: (starts coughing continuous loud straining, hacking coughs)
Iris: [as Mic coughs] Mickey! Mickey!
Mic: (coughing stops, but is still wheezing. He looks into the palm of his hand and sees blood splatters on the sleeve covering his hand.) [Zoom into bllod stain] (he stares non chalantly at the stain)
Iris: Ano problema?
Mic: (shows her the sleeve)
Iris: (freezes in her disbelief) Uuy. Uuuuy! Ano ba! Walang ganyanan!
Mic: E, ganun e.
Iris: (begins to cry) wala namang ganyan! Ano ba! Dali pumunta muna tayong ospital, wala lang yan! (stands to hail a jeepney to PGH)
Mic: (pulls her back down) Wag na. Actually, I'm kinda relieved.
Iris: Bakit naman?
Mic: Mapapakawalan ko na rin itong buhay na to. (looks up at the LRT line) Mabuti na ang mamatay ng unti-unti kaysa yung sa biglaan. Parang 2 months notice before retiring for good. I can finish up all I need to finish up, and I can say good bye to everybody.
Iris: Sandali ang, tawagan ko lang sina Meg at Thea...
Mic: Forget it. Iiyak lang yan.

[Mic wakes up]

What was most unnerving was the fact that I felt a general sense of relief in the dream, and during my waking moments. I did self hypnosis just to try to return to my dream and make sense of it, and self hypnosis concurred with my initial thought, that my feeling of irrelevance has caused me to think of giving up, instead of leading me to do something about it. I'd rather give the world notice that: "Hey, I'm leaving but you never really needed me anyway" than to make use of my capabilities. What's my point in sharing this then? Within this smile lays a man on the brink of losing himself, deeper than he has lost himself before. No one really asks others to make them feel relevant. Relevance is a concept of the self. All I've really asked from anyone is conversation. As I've continually said from the old schizophrenia, up to the current Mikecab: I need to know you.