Casino Royale

I LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You Know My Name!

Thea... she said something when we met at Starbucks. "Mas magaling naman ako gumawa ng layout sayo!" was what I believe she said... hehehe... I took that as a challenge.

PRESENTING: The Casino Royale Layout by yours truly! Eat That! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm so proud of it...

Finally....

updating...

I went to the guidance office to get my personality test results... INTJ... 3 years ago, I took the same test, and the results were ESTJ... when I told the guidance person that my results of 3 years back were ESTJ, he said that it was a tremendous shift, beause my I, which is introvertedness was at 51... which is really high for intovertedness... what could have caused it... hmmm... I haven't recieved my results for the MMPI and TIT yet, but I'm looking forward to the results (tomorrow na! yay!) anyway... I noticed something on the LRT.... a sign in the LRT states that "the LRT is our property. Please keep it free from vandals." Go figure... I thought the Vandals have been extinct for almost 800 years... ANother weird one was "Please do not bring animals, pets, or livestock." Okay... so pets and livestock aren't animals na pala.... yesz.... Also, I discovered a new morning habit. I now listen to Magic 89.9's "Good Times with Mo Twister" from 6am to 9am everyday (or at least from 6am to 730am nyahahaha) It's sooooo funny! I SWEAR!!!!

Last (when was that) Sanny, Thea, and I met at Starbucks, and we finally got to catch up on each other :) it was fun... I MISS YOU GUYS!!!! Thea! may kasalanan ka nanaman sa mundo!

Many Kwento

Saturday... we went to watch Cue Drama Club's "The Producers" my cousins played lead roles :p anyway... It personified LSGH... at least in my opinion... half are guy, half those who aren't gay feign gayness, and the rest are boys. Except for the 2 exceptional men in every batch. I'm mean no!? HAHAHAHAHAHA Anyway... it was really good... If you could watch it (you can't. playdates are over.) I would push for your watching it... Oh! and I found this really good voiced girl who LOOKED EXACLY LIKE JEDDY!!!! OMG! I thought I was seeing things! Jeddy, kamukha mo talaga, I swear!!

Sunday... had a foot spa (oh, malinis na paa ko) It was really wow.... try the place out! It's my mom's spa... It's called Village Spa (Basement, Collonade Residences, C. Palanca St., Legaspi Village, Makati City!)

Monday... My Filipino essay was picked as an exhibition essay during Fil class... such an honor... It's about you DLSU people, and how Mc Do Taft (being a syllogism of DLSU) will forever be a part of me (awww... *cry here*)... what else... I discovered Bob Ong and I have something in common... We are both perpetually annoyed.

:)

okay, anger's gone.

Annoyance, Tolerance, and Rage

At approximately 10:00, I went to the English department at Dela Costa Hall. I asked the secretary if I could change my Lit14 (intro to poetry and drama) class to a later time, so that I could change my Ma12 (modern mathematics II) from a TH(or TTh in 'teneo terms) to the MWF 830-930 class (which is occupied by my Lit14 class.) The secretary told me to wait for the department chair, who arrives at 11:30... My classes were off at 9:30, so you can imagine my annoyance when she told me to wait a 1.5 hour period... Anyway... returned 11:30, and the dept. chair had me wait 'til 12! I still had to go to the Math dept. to withraw from my Ma12 class, but the dept. closes at 12 because of lunch break, and there's a faculty symposium at 1:30, so office won't resume until Monday! When I finally spoke to the dept. chair... she was nice enough to explain why she couldn't transfer my lit class, but I explained that if I am to go to school on Thursdays, I'd have to be here at 6:30 because the car's off the road... (My classes start at 1230 pa) she then said... "spend your extra time doing library work." PUTANG INA!!!! THAT IS THE SINGLE, MOST INSENSITIVE THING I HAVE EVER HEARD FROM A PROFESSOR! Surely, she meant well, but confining me to 6 hours of library work is the single most desperate and most insensitive thing I have ever heard of! All she has to do is ask one professor if he/she can buffer in 1 person! She doesn't want to because they'll COMPLAIN! SHE'S THE DEPARTMENT HEAD!!!!!!!! So all in... I WASTED HALF MY DAY CHASING THE ENGLISH DEPARTMENT, JUST FOR THEM TO RIDICULE ME, THEN SAY NO!!! I had a plan B... which was to drop Ma12 and take Economics instead, but because of that whole fiasco with the English dept, I decided to just f*ck it and bicker about it all semester... I'll just continue taking my math, but I'll LOATHE every minute of it, and I'll also RUE THE WHOLE ENGLISH PROGRAM OF THIS F*CKING ENGLISH PRIMA DONNA SCHOOL! YOU GUYS FEEL AS IF YOU CAN IGNORE A STUDENT BECAUSE YOU "WRITE" AND HAVE "DR." BESIDE YOUR NAMES!?!?! THEN YOU DARE CONDEMN ME TO 6 HOURS OF LIBRARY WORK!?!?!?! WHAT HAVE YOU WRITTEN FOR? THE "LOYOLA SCHOOLS REVIEW?" F*CK THAT! YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING FOR THE BETTERMENT OF PHILIPPINE SOCIETY BUT TO STICK YOUR FINGERS UP OTHER PEOPLE'S ASSES, STICK YOUR NOSES UP, AND CALL YOURSELVES "WRITERS" IF WRITERS ARE LIKE YOU GUYS.... I DEFINITELY DON'T WANT TO BE ONE.

Other Odd Thoughts

I'm assuming my audience knows what a stigmata is. If any of you readers out there (however few you are) don't know about stigmatas, then how the hell were you able to survive reading my blog? Anyway... thinking of stigmatas, I used my hand to comb through my hair, and I discovered that the "ACET disease" is back again... my hair is falling off... again... It's really no biggie, since I have the thickest locks in the world, but it also brought the thought of repetitive phenomena, without knowing the cause, nor how the phenomena begins, ends, or why it reappears at certain points in time... Isn't that the most annoying feeling in the world? uncertainty I mean... just another odd thought....

special mention kay Thea, kasi nagpapa special mention siya. Hi Thea!!!

Sked for Term 2

Subjects ko...

General Zoology

English 12

Literature 14

Filipino 12

Math 12

Introduction to Ateneo Culture and Tradition 2

General Zoology Laboratory

MWF 730-230

T 730-130

H 1200-130

"But It's Better If You Do"

Now I'm of consenting age to be forgetting you in a cabaret.Somewhere downtown where a burlesque queen may even ask my nameAs she sheds her skin on stageI'm seated and sweating to a dance song on the club's P.A.The strip joint veteran sits two awaySmirking between dignified sips of his dignified peach and lime daiquiriAnd isn't this exactly where you'd like meI'm exactly where you'd like me, you knowPraying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivetyOh, isn't this exactly where you'd like meI'm exactly where you'd like me, you knowPraying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivetyBut, but I'm afraid that IWell, I may have faked it And I wouldn't be caught dead in this placeWell, I'm afraid that IWell, that's right, well I may have faked it And I wouldn't be caught dead in this placeAnd isn't this exactly where you'd like meI'm exactly where you'd like me, you knowPraying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivetyOh, isn't this exactly where you'd like meI'm exactly where you'd like me, you knowPraying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivetyWell, I'm afraid that IWell, I may have faked it And I wouldn't be caught dead in this placeWell, I'm afraid that IWell, that's right, well I may have faked it And I wouldn't be caught dead in this placeAnd isn't this exactly where you'd like meI'm exactly where you'd like me, you knowPraying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivetyOh, isn't this exactly where you'd like meI'm exactly where you'd like me, you knowPraying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivetyPraying for love and paying in naivetyPraying for love and paying in naivety, oh

Php500 to whomsoever can find all the Pop Culture references and symbolisms (with explaination) I found in this song... both lyrics and video (video on YouTube)

Okay...

I have kwento... as most of you would know, I am probably the least "active" person in the world... I'm also very unfamilliar with things and events somehow connected to "that thing..." even simple insinuation can get me in a daze... my point... this is a kind of survey thing... I know this might sound weird, but does my "Tagged" picture make me look cute? Are you laughing right now, or do you have one of those disgusted looks on your face... anyway... 2 people... dirty old men... invited be to be their contact in "Tagged." when I checked their profiles, their friends were all what Fionna & Thea would consider "hot." It was obvious that he was collecting "hot" friends. I'm not hot. I'll "read" you the message of one of the guys... anyway... It's just really freaky... I'm not kidding about this... "wis we can be friends. i'm in china right now and be there on dec 30. hope to see u then. pls give me your cp number. thanks" Another weird event was that the second person somehow found my YM add, then he said... agrh... just read our conversation... he initially invited me to view his webcam... "mikabuts (11/5/2006 9:51:30 PM): uh? do i know you? m_safi077 (11/5/2006 9:51:53 PM): maybe i checked his webcam... mikabuts (11/5/2006 9:52:17 PM): no i dont." sabay close YM window... weird lang talaga... are you guys experiencing this on "Tagged"?

THES-QS

This is one of those bato bato sa langit sort of things...

Kat introduced me to the THES-QS Global University Rankings 2006 yesterday. As most of you would know, the results are a relief, mainly because four of our Philippine universities made it to the top 500. What surprised me though is that DLSU came 100 places higher than AdMU. I know that I begin the whole thought with a premeditated bias, but indulge me... I dug deeper as to root the cause of such a clear anomaly (plus certain people have been bugging me about it... not Kat btw) and my search led to to find certain anomalies in the rankings... As you will find on the website, the rankings are based on certain predetermined factors, which will serve as score points for each university. The percentage division of criteria is as follows:

Criteria Indicator Brief Description Weight* Research Quality Peer Review Composite score drawn from peer review (which is divided into five subject areas). 3,703 responses. 40% Citations per Faculty Score based on research performance factored against the size of the research body 20% Graduate Employability Recruiter Review Score based on responses to recruiter survey. 738 responses 10% International Outlook International Faculty Score based on proportion of international faculty 5% International Students Score based on proportion of international students 5% Teaching Quality Student Faculty Score based on student/faculty ratio 20%

Here is where it becomes problematic... I have no actual qualms with the methodology, but the application looks a bit anomalous. We take for example DLSU:

School Profile School Name De La Salle University Country Philippines Website http://www.dlsu.edu.ph/ School Description Guided by its mission to be at the forefront of Catholic education in the teaching, research and community service fields, De La Salle University has six (6) colleges: Business and Economics, Computer Studies, Education, Engineering, Liberal Arts, and Science that mold holistic individuals.Each college has specific target plans which guide them in designing programs for each specialization. Faculties are comprised of practitioners in their industries which keep them updated with the latest trends. Most are also required to pursue postgraduate studies. Aside from lectures, the skills and knowledge of the students are improved time and again through research and seminars.To strengthen comprehension of major subjects, be it in the sciences or liberal arts, lectures are offered alongside laboratory courses. This way, students can see the practical application of the theories they learn and have hands-on practices.The University also offers master's, doctorate, diploma and certificate courses. In these programs, curricula lean toward enhancing research, managerial and teaching competencies. Most courses are designed to train individuals who are professionally adept, perceptive to the country's needs and can provide expert solutions in response.Towards the end of the students' program, in both the bachelor and postgraduate level, they are required to undergo on-the-job training activities, take a comprehensive examination and/or submit a feasibility/thesis paper to consolidate knowledge gained and propose courses of action that will improve existing ways and tools in their professions. School Statistics

Faculty Stats Number of Faculty Members 750 Number of International Faculty Members 6

Student Stats Number of Students 10,000 Number of International Students 32

Undergraduate Stats Number of Undergraduates 0 Number of International Undergraduates 0

Postgraduate Stats Number of Postgraduates 0 Number of International Postgraduates 0

Course Fees (subject to change) Average Course Fees (Undergraduate Courses) 0 Average Course Fees (Postgraduate Courses) 0 Source (World University Rankings 2006)(QS & The Times Higher Education Supplement)

This is the data used by the THES-QS. The number of students is supposedly 10,000 flat. That is obviously impossible. If I remember correctly, my CLA freshman batch in DLSU contained 800+ freshmen, and CLA is only the second largest college in DLSU. If we take that into factor, the presumption that there are only 10,000 students (undergraduate AND postgraduate) is a sheer impossibility! The student teacher ratio is 1:13!? Preposterous! This already counts as 20% of the score! Another anomalous finding is that of “Graduate Employability.” This is factored from recruiter surveys, but NUMBER OF STUDENTS is taken into account! That’s another anomalous 10%! tsk tsk... We take into account another school:

School Profile School Name University of Santo Tomas Country Philippines Website http://www.ust.edu.ph/ School Description Known as the Catholic University of the Philippines,the almost four-century old University of Santo Tomas draws inspiration from the teachings and philosophy of St. Thomas Aquinas, the Angelic doctor and patron saint of Catholic schools.The Campus of the University of Santo Tomas stands out like well crafted sparkling jewelry in the city long marred by ecological ugliness,spawned by human neglect. The almost 400-year old university is the oldest in Asia and in student population, the largest Catholic University in the world located in one campus. In some ways, the campus lays bare the soul of this venerable institution. The UST campus exudes history and culture, a quest for knowledge and a love for God.Sprawled in an almost perfect square of twenty two hectares, the UST campus is boxed in by España Street on its front lawn, Governor Forbes (now Arsenio Lacson) St. on its northern flank, P.Noval on its south, and Dapitan St. on the rear. School Statistics

Faculty Stats Number of Faculty Members 524 Number of International Faculty Members 12

Student Stats Number of Students 11,764 Number of International Students 47

Undergraduate Stats Number of Undergraduates 0 Number of International Undergraduates 0

Postgraduate Stats Number of Postgraduates 0 Number of International Postgraduates 0

Course Fees (subject to change) Average Course Fees (Undergraduate Courses) 0 Average Course Fees (Postgraduate Courses) 0 Source (World University Rankings 2006)(QS & The Times Higher Education Supplement)

can you see the contradiction here? the University of Santo Tomas is supposedly the largest Catholic University in the world population wise. It is VERY doubtful they have only 12,000 students in undergraduate AND graduate programs. From what I know they have more than 20,000 students in undergrad alone... see 20,000, that’s already 166% of the supposed total population of UST! After everything I’ve seen, the verdict is: due to certain anomalies in data, this rating cannot be entirely trusted. If you’re thinking that I’m doing this because I’m bitter... yeah, but It's obvious that these anomalies exist, and they obviously cloud our judgment. This list will forever (until the next one comes out) be cited as a qualifier by students, faculty, and lumni alike. How can we ever trust it's integrity? Again... the main point of all this is a question: HOW CAN WE TRUST THE INTEGRITY OF THIS RATING

School Profile School Name Ateneo de Manila University Country Philippines Website http://www.ateneo.net/ School Description To understand the soul of the Ateneo de Manila University -- what shaped it and where it came from, where it is going and where it can take you -- it is essential to understand its motto, Lux in Domino, or "Light in the Lord."From the letter of St. Paul to the Ephesians (5:8), these words capture the spirit of a way of life which the Ateneo holds up to her sons and daughters as their best contribution to the work by which God transforms the world. To be "light in the Lord" in all fullness demands moving insistently and deliberately towards God as the center of a person's life, identifying the issues that such a centering poses, and then moving out to the world to find ever new ways of constructing the edifice, cultivating the garden, painting the masterpiece, that God is unfolding in one's life.It is a call to BE that light of the Lord in the world.The Ateneo de Manila University celebrates its 145th anniversary and 145 years of the return of Jesuit Education to the Philippines on December 10, 2004. December also begins the 5-year countdown to the Ateneo’s 150th anniversary, its sesquicentennial, in 2009.The university begins preparations for its sesquicentennial by returning to its roots: by remembering the Ateneo’s history and celebrating the things that make the school distinctly Atenean: what we cherish, what we fight for, what we believe. School Statistics

Faculty Stats Number of Faculty Members 574 Number of International Faculty Members 25

Student Stats Number of Students 10,988 Number of International Students 424

Undergraduate Stats Number of Undergraduates 7,161 Number of International Undergraduates 136

Postgraduate Stats Number of Postgraduates 3,827 Number of International Postgraduates 288

Course Fees (subject to change) Average Course Fees (Undergraduate Courses) 0 Average Course Fees (Postgraduate Courses) 0 Source (World University Rankings 2006)(QS & The Times Higher Education Supplement)

Lasallian day 1

I just remembered what I promised the Orgees last summer... although in a way one hit wonder lang kaming apat... they reminded me na no matter what I'd do, I'll still be (primarily) Lasallian. Ganun yun e. :) always look back... there's no better time to look back to... pinaka naalala ko nung nakiextra ako nung first day nung first term, tapos nakita ako ni Keisha, tiningnan ako ng mukhang ewan at biglang sinigaw: "Ano ba talaga!?" Wehehehehe da best parin kayo mga 'tol...

“Feeling Augustinians”

I remember during my senior year of high school in Colegio San Agustin- Makati, I was chosen as the class representative for the St. Augustine Impromptu Speaking Contest. I failed miserably to achieve my desired end, but I did learn something... never read your El Filibusterismo before an English speaking contest... anyway... my point... the question given to us was, “St. Augustine has many titles. He is known as the Greatest Doctor of the Church, the Holiest of the Wise, and the Wisest of the Holy, the Eagle of Hippo, a Barkada Man, and others. What other titles can you give him?” That’s not verbatim, but it contains the main gist... The answer I gave was that Saint Augustine is also the “Saint of Changes.” This is because he practically morphed from horny happy boy (he would’ve been the boy who impregnates the school bitch, and likes to drag race at night at Marcos Highway, yet loves to read and write, and is a consistent honor student...) to holy genius man. Anyway... I argued my point for five minutes, then suddenly muttered “kung datapwat...” super ouch. Again... what’s my point? Ah... It’s that recently I’ve been rethinking the little tinge of bitterness I have always felt towards my high school, and I’ve realized that it really isn’t the teachers that called me and my friends “bitches,” or “feeling magaling,” or “unorthodox and lazy” that made me feel bad, nor is it the administration which was either too conservative or too callous, nor is it the faulty political system, topped of by an absolutely powerless student government, but rather it’s the absolute lack of proper Augustinian pride instilled into us.

Augustinians are popularly known as the nicest guys on earth. From many various testaments of people from practically all universities one can find an Augustinian, we have been voted “Nice Guy School of the Century.” Is this necessarily a good thing? When I took a survey of what a few of the multitude of Augustinians I know liked most about dear old Alma Mater, most of the replies either had something to do with Glorietta, or with the generally “Happy” environment of the school, which fosters camaraderie, etcetera etcetera. When I asked what are they most proud of, being an Augustinian, most again made reference to Augustinians being nice guys. Seems as if everyone forgot the title bestowed upon us... AUGUSTINIANS. We were founded under one of the most influential Catholic orders in the world. We get our name from the great St. Augustine. We as Augustinians are all so proud of this, yet what do we truly know of him? He has a pious mother and a pagan father. His sister became an abbess. He had a son, who died in his youth, and a live in partner whom he wasn’t sure he loved. His best friend’s death left a horrible scar upon his heart. He heard a voice telling him to “take and read.” These are some of the things I have learned of our patron, and most of practically all we have been taught in relation to St. Augustine is along this line... it’s all trivia. We treat him as if he were Kris Aquino. We know ten of his sayings, which we repeat over and over again, although he has volumes full, which he couldn’t even finish editing in his lifetime. How can we even consider ourselves Augustinians... we know NOTHING of what is important to him, NOTHING of what he taught in depth, NOTHING of his wisdom, NOTHING of his philosophy, NOTHING of his love of God. His wisdom is something we should be proud of, yet CSA has never really taught us more than what can be scratched from the surface. This was my greatest disappointment. In kindergarden, Ms. Atienza told me that St. Augustine would help us talk to God. I asked for his intercession a million times, yet... I know nothing about him. I feel like such an ingrate. I also know nothing of the order he established. I know nothing of what they do, and nothing of what they have done. I know nothing about the many saints of the order, and the truly inspiring stories behind each saint. I know nothing of the spirituality wherein the order is based. The Holy Scripture as a primary place of encountering God Discovering God in Community Interiority Promotion of Justice, Unity, Harmony, Peace and Reconciliation Apostolic Service I have never known these as the foundations of my spirituality. They were taught, surely, but they were never highlighted. These foundations, and the various gifts given to us by our Augustinian forefathers and our father Augustine, in form of word, or deed. All of these serve as inspirations. They serve to ignite our flames to uphold the Augustinian values passed on by our patron, “Virtus et Scientia.”

If I could turn back time, and return to the time of the Impromptu Speaking Contest, I would change my answer. Instead of portraying Augustine as the “Saint of Changes,” I would say that he is the “Saint that Augustinians will Never Truly Know.” It’s ironic isn’t it?

Don't Tell Scotty!

I just watched Eurotrip for the first time... bought the unrated DVD kasi... :p The song playing "Scotty Doesn't Know" is from the movie btw... baka may ma shock jan e :) anyway... it's SEMBREAK!!!! That's why I'm so fruggin happy! I'm going out like 3 times this week! twice sa GB, and once sa Malate!!! WOOOH!!! It's gonna be FUN!!! woohoo! SCOTTY DOESN'T KNOW!! kudos guys!

On English

God! I visited my Tagged page today... checked out the messages and quizzes... turns out my profile says I'm female... I still haven't discovered how to correct that error... androgynous much... anyway... checked out the quizzes... WTF!!!!!! the grammage and using is horrendible! i wanting to make puke puke! i have to say that people have to practicalize there english skills to be doing better in the real world! it is horrendible! (it's an obvious pun)

About the Post Down Yonder

its the longest f*cking essay i have written... and it's in f*cking tagalog!

Sana Makita Ko Rin

Kung balikan ang aking nakaran, masasabi mong hindi ako ang tipong tao na mahilig sa mga bagay na konektado sa sining Pilipino. Kung ang kabuohan nga nang sining ay wala akong hilig, ano pa kaya ang maliit na bahagi ng sining Pilipino, ang literaturang Pilipino. Masasabi mo ngang ako’y may kiling para sa mga bagay na banyaga, at hindi eksepsyon dito ang literatura. Sa kaunting nabasa ko sa literaturang Pilipino, inakala kong kulang sa kasanayan ang literatura ng Pilipinas. Parang Pare-pareho ang istilo ng pagsulat, pare-parehong didaktiko ang nilalaman, pare-pareho lang ang lahat, at kinakailangan pa nito ng pagsasanay. Iyan minsan ang problema ng mga pribadong paaralan sa Maynila. Minsan, sa kanilang pagisip na mas binibigyang galang ang inggles, ay nakakalimutan nilang ipakita ang tunay na kgandahan ng literaturang Pilipino. Mabuti at naibuksan ang aking mga mata sa iba pang klase ng literaturang Pilipino. Natutunan ko na hindi lamang ang klasikal na mga isinulat ang mga maitatawag na literatura. Mapait ang proseso, dahil hindi ako sanay, pero may natutunan din naman. Ang kasukdulan ng aking makabagong pagaaral ng literaturang Pilipino, ay ang pagbasa ng aklat na “Hindi Man Lang Nakita” ni Mesandel Vertusio Arguelles. Naguluhan ako sa simula, dahil ito ang pinakaunang antolohiya ng mga modernong tula na aking nabasa sa Pilipino. Hindi ko alam kung papaano lapitan ang libro, o kung paano ko babasahin ang mga tula. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko ihahambing ang mga tula sa totoong buhay, o ihahambing ba sa ibang mga tula. Hindi ko pa man nasimulan ang pagbasa sa libro, ay hindi ko na ito nagustuhan. Lumabas nanaman ang pagkapraning ko. Pagkatapos ng ilang araw, ay pailang-ilang kong binuksan ang libro. Ito ang una kong nakita: “Bago ang Mundong Ito.” Marapat lang na sinimulan ni Arguelles ang kanyang antolohiya gamit ang tulang ito. Dito binibigyang pugay ang kabuohan ng sangnilikha, at ang walang kamatayan na tanong: “Paano nagsimula ang lahat?” Naguluhan ako sa tula dahil hindi ko maisipan ng todo kung ano ba talaga ang paksa nito. Maraming elemento ang ginamit sa tula na nagbibigay ng marami ring mga mensahe tungkol sa paksa. Hinahanap ng persona ang sagot sa kung saan naggaling ang “inihandog na biyaya: tula.” Dito ko nakuha ang ideya na baka iniugnay ng persona ang tula sa isipan ng sangnilikha. Baka nga ay iniugnay niya ang kagandahan ng lirika sa kagandahan ng paglikha ng diyos. Iniugnay niya ang unang linya bilang ang unang tanda ng mundo, at ang proseso ng pagisip at pagsulat ng tula, bilang isang proseso na nasaisip lamang, pero ang produkto ng pagiisip ay isang engrande, at magnipikong bagay. Gannon ang nakuha kong pananaw sa unang tula, at dumadaang ganoon din ang tema ng marami kung hindi lahat ng mga tula. Dumako naman tayo sa tulang “Linyado.” Dumadaan dito ang panahon. Ang unang instante ng paggawa sa mundo ay tapos na, at ngayon nagsisimula ang pagdaloy ng panahon. Nakikita parin natin dito sa tula na iniuugnay parin ng kamalayan ang tula sa sangnilikha. “Walang hanggan ang linyang ito, hindi matutuldukan.” Nakikita natin ang pagugnay ng mga linya ng berso sa kalakihan ng sangnilikha. Totoo naman na kahit malayo na ang narating ng mga tao, at kahit marami na tayong nadiskubre, at marami na tayong naimbentong teknolohiya para gumaan ang ating mga buhay buhay, ay hindi parin natin maabot ang kadulu-duluhan ng sanglikha. Sa ating paglalakbay sa kalawakan, masasabi nating malayo na ang ating narating, at mas malayo pa ang mararating natin, pero hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa natatapakan ng tao ang tierra sa planetang Marso, at hindi pa natin nakikita ang mga ibang malayaong mga galaxy. Maaaring sabihin na hanggat may utak ang tao, ay makakaisip tayo ng paraan na maka abot ng mas malayo patungo sa langit, pero dahil din sa entropiya (enthropy) ay malamang ay may kaduluhan din ang ating pagkabuhay sa mundong ito. Kung isipin naman natin ang paloob, imbis na palabas, ang pinaka maliit na sukat ng “Matter” ay ang “Superstrings.” Ito ay mas maliit sa mga Atoms, Particles, at Quarks, at naroon sila sa limang dimensyon ng realidad. Dahil tayo sa ngayon ay pwede lamang makaabot sa tatlong dimensyon, ay hindi natin malulubusan ang pagaaral sa mga “Superstrings” at maaaring tayo ngayo’y nasa isang “Intellectual Plateau,” kung saan hindi pa tayo pwede magkaroon ng progreso sa larangang ito. Sa ngayon, ay marami ang ating nadidiskubre, at maraming kaalaman ang pumapasok sa mundo ng tao, pero ang punto ay, tayo rin ay may hangganan. Katulad ng nangyari sa mga “Superstrings” maaaring makarating ang tao sa punto na hindi na natin maintindihan ang kasunod. May limitasyon din naman ang tao. Kahit na sinasabing walang limitasyon ang isipan, ay mayroon din ito. Lahat nang ito ang sinusuri ng kamalayan. Ang kalawakan ng sangnilikha, at ang katotohanan na tao nga lamang tayo. May mga hangganan tayo. May mga sagabal tayong hindi talaga natin maitatanggal. Ang mga susunod na linya: “Sa pahina, sa hapag ng abang, pagaabang sa pagdating ng mutya.” Ang pahina dito ay ang mundo natin, o ang kalawakan, sa mga dimensyong espasyo. Basta, parang ang isang tula, ay isinusulat sa papel, parang ang ating mga buhay, kung tadhana man o sariling kaalaman, ay nakasaad sa isang espasyo. Ang ating tula/buhay ngayon, bilang huwaran, ay nakasaad sa isang malaking papel na tinatawag na “Daigdig.” Ang pagaabang dito ay nagtutukoy sa ating paghahanap ng katotohanan. Nakasaad nga na “Nais kong tukuyin ang pinagmulan ng inihandog na biyaya: tula.” Ito ang ating natural na pagkamausisa sa mga bagay na hindi natin alam. Ang susunod na mga linya: “Kaya lumingon ako at nakita, ang manipis na abot tanaw: maaaring iyon ang unang linya, bagama’t hindi ko matiyak.” Nakikita parin ang ating kagustuhan na makita ang katotohanan. Kahit noong bago pa ang kaalaman ng tao, hinahanap na natin ang rason sa mga bagay bagay, at mga explenasyon ng mga penomena na nangyayari. Kung minsan nga, sa sobrang pagkaatat ng taong mahanap ang katotohanan ay gumagawa gawa nalang sila ng sarili nilang katotohanan. Naipapakita din nito na kahit noong simula ay tinanong na natin kung saan tayo nanggaling. Ito ang isa sa pinakaunang isipan na nakapasok sa ating isipan. Ang susunod na mga linya: “Dahil may malaking kasawian sa gitna ng likha at manlilikha.” Dito ay napasok sa aking isipan ang sinabi ng Norwegianong si Jostein Gaarder, na “Kung meron ngang diyos, ay sana’y linagyan man lang niya sana ng pangalan ang kanyang obra.” Ito ang isa pa sa pinakamatandang kaisipan sa mundo. Matapos isipin ng mga tao, “Saan tayo nanggaling?” naisip naman nila na may mas may kapangyarihan na lumikha sa atin. Ang problema naman ay may mga sagabal sa gitna ng likha at manlilikha. Mga susunod na linya: “Manipis ang abot tanaw, ngunit naroon, ang araw, bundok, ang dagat, ang parang. Naroon ang inibig ko bago ang mundong ito.” Ipinapakita naman nito na kaunti palang ang alam ng tao sa puntong ito, para ngang sinabi ni San Agustin, “ang nalalaman natin ay isang kamay na puno ng buhangin, pero ang kakailanganin pang alamin ay ang buong tabing dagat.”Isinasaad din dito na sa kaalaman natin ngayon ay hindi pa natin malalaman kung saan talaga nanggaling ang mundong ito. Pwede lang nating isipin, pero di pa kayang alamin. Isa pang tula na sumusunod sa ganitong isipan ay ang “Sa Dulo ng Mundo.” Nakikita natin sa mga simula ng libro ang mga tula tungkol sa paglikha ng mundo, at ang paglikha nito. Kung sundan natin ang isipan na ang sangnilikha ay isang tula, ang sinasabi ng nauunang mga tula ay ang diyos ang tagasulat ng tula. Nakikita naman natin dito sa may gitna ng tula na ang tao din ay gumagawa ng sarili niyang tula, na konektado din sa walang hanggang tula na kinabubuhayan niya. Medyo “metafictive” ang tula kumbaga, dahil nakikita natin na ang mga karakter sa loob ng isang malaking tula, ay gumagawa rin ng sarili nilang tula. Nakasaad sa “Sa Dulo ng Mundo”: “Nakaupo ako sa huling pangungusap Ng isang tulang gaya ng inaasahang munting bantas at sa wari ko’y nakaupo sa dulo ng mundo Sa bukana ng di masasabing naghihintay” Nakikita natin na ang persona sa tula ay nasa dulo na ng kanyang buhay, o ng kanyang kakayahan. Nakikita din natin ang bulgar na paggamit ng metapora na tula bilang sangnilikha. Nakikita ito dahil sa linyang “Nakaupo ako sa huling pangungusap.” Nakikita din natin na hinaharap niya ang limitasyon ng kaalaman ng tao, o ang “bukana ng di masasabing naghihintay.” Ito ang isa sa mga katibayan ng argumento ko kanina tungkol sa limitasyon ng tao. Ang mga susunod na linya, “Sa aking likuran, ang lahat na dumaang salita, Bigat na hindi ko makakayang buhatin kailanman,” ay nagpapahiwatig din ng limitasyon ng tao. Hindi niya kakayaning alamin ang lahat tungkol sa mundo. Nakikita din natin ang ideya na ang kaalaman ng tao, na napagtipon-tipon ng panahon, ay hindi kailanman pwedeng alamin ng isang tao. Lahat nang kaalaman ng tao mula sa unang berso hanggang sa dulo, ay hindi maaaring mailagay ng buo sa loob ng pagiisip ng isang indibidwal. E kung ang nalalaman natin hanggang sa puntong ito ay hindi natin makumpleto at maisip lahat, ano pa kaya ang kabuohan ng kaalaman. Ang sunod na mga linya ay parang nanggaling sa librong Rebelasyaon sa Bibliya. “Nilingon ko sila sa abot ng buong pagkaunawa sa anumang pagkakasala na nakapaloob sa pagbuo ng anyo at nilalaman Hindi upang igawad ang pangwakas ng husga at husgahan ang aking kamay na nabahiran ng tinta.” Dito naman nakikita ang pagkatakot para sa mga nagawang kasalanan sa mundo, at ang pagsisisi para sa mga nagawa at di nagawa (omisyon). Maaaring angkop ang anekdota na si San Pedro ay naghihintay sa mga pintuan ng langit upang tingnan kung nararapat nga ba tayong pumasok sa langit. Maaari ding angkop ang didaktikong linyang “nasa dulo ang pagsisisi.” Nakikita parin sa parteng ito ang paggamit ng metaporang pangtula, o sa pagsulat ng tula. Inisip ko sa simula ng libro na maaaring ang diyos mismo ang katauhan sa libro, pero ang linyang, “Hindi upang igawad ang pangwakas ng husga at husgahan ang aking kamay na nabahiran ng tinta” ang nagsabi saakin na imposible ito. Ang tulang ito ay medyo apokaliptik. Ang mensahe ay tungkol sa dulo ng buhay ng tao, at ang pagsisisi sa dulu-duluhan ng mundo. Ang susunod na mga linya: “Batid ko ang takda ayon sa ginagampanang papel, at doon ko ibig mahimlay bilang pagpupugay sa likhang pinagdaanan ng mundo.” Dito naman, sinasabi ng katauhan na ang kanyang “kamay na binahiran ng tinta” na nagsisimbolo na sumunod siya sa mga patakaran ayon sa kanyang “ginampanang papel.” Maaaring sabihin natin na kahit nagsisisi siya dahil sa kanyang mga nagawa at di nagawa, ang konswelo niya ay ang nagawa niya ito dahil ito ang nakasaad na gagampanan niyang papel. “Escapism” pag isipin, o parang baling moralidad. Sabi nga sa “Beerkada,” “Conswelo de Bobo.” Sa Libro, parang may pagkasunod sunod ang mga tula. Para nga ng sinabi ko, nagsisimula ito sa paano nagsimula ang tula. Nakikita ito sa mga tulang katulad ng: “Bago ang Mundong Ito,” “Linyado,” at “Sa Mga Pagkakataon.” Sa may gitna naman, binibigyan puri ang kagandahan ng tula, at patuloy na hinahangaan ang misteryo ng pagkagawa ng tula. Ang susunod ay ang pagtingin sa sarili upang maintindihan ang sarili bilang parte, o tagagawa rin ng tula. sa may dulo naman ay kung paano unti unting nakalimutan, o unti unting namatay ang tula. Sa dulo naman, ay binibigay ang mga pinal na leksyon na gustong ipahiwatig ng persona. Meron lamang isang di ko maintindihan kung bakit nasa gitna, pero dapat, kung tama ang aking pagkasunod sunod, ay nasa may dulohan. Ito ang “Sa Dulo ng Mundo.” Maaaring bagay nga ito sa may gitna, dahil ipinapakita nito ang pagkahinog ng kaisipan ng tao, upang maisip niya naman di lamang ang “saan tayo nanggaling” kundi pati na rin ang “ano ang pwedeng mangyari sa hulihan ng lahat.” Ukol naman sa mga duluduluhan ng libro, kung saan medyo pinal ang tono, titingnan natin bilang example ang “Ilang Huling Salita.” Ang simulang mga taludtod: “May mga bagay na mas mainam kung hindi sasabihin. Hayaan na subukin ang sadyang pagnanasa na maunawaan sa pagitan ng mga salita.” Nakikita dito na parang pinaglalaruan tayo ng diyos. Parang kusa pagiwan niya sa atin sa dilim sa ibang mga bagay bagay. Parang hindi niya tayo binigyan ang kapabilidad na maintindihan at malaman ang lahat, para maihusga kung gaano kalakas ang ating kagustuhang malaman ang katotohanan anong ekstento ang ating mararating para sa katotohanan? Ang susunod na mga linya: “Kung makatitiis na hindi makapagsabi, baka Bukas-makalawa ay sasaatin ang ganap na pagunawa, kung hindi sa tula, ay sa kabutihan ng tula sa santinakpan.” Naipapakita dito na pinaglalaruan nga tayo ng diyos. Tinatago niya ang kaalaman sa atin para nga “sasaatin ang ganap na pagunawa, kung hindi sa tula, ay sa kabutihan ng tula sa santinakpan.” Sabi nga uli ni Jostein Gaarder, “Para tayong mga langgam sa isang langgaman. Ang diyos ay isang batang may magnifying glass na nagoobserba sa ating mga ginagawa-gawa. Maganda naman ang layunin ng kanyang eksperimento, na baka nga mahanap natin ang pagunawa ng tula, o pagunawa sa mga tanong na nakabalot sa misteryosong mundong ito, o kung di man lang, ay maintindihan natin kung bakit ito itinago sa atin. Madami nga namang tanong sa mundo na hindi talaga mahahanapan ng sagot, kaya bakit naman di tayo bibigyan ng rason para mabuhay. Ang rason ay para maintindihan ang buhay, at ang mundo na kinagagalawan natin. Kung hindi man natin maintindihan ito ng lubos, kahit rason man lamang kung bakit hindi natin maintindihan. Isa pang nakakaaliw isipin sa tulang ito, ay ang aplikasyon nito sa Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis. Ang sinasabi ng teorya na ito, ay na ang realidad ng tao, ay base sa pagunawa niya, at paggamit ng mga konstrukto ng kanyang lengwahe. Ang maaaring example nito ay ang Pilipino at ang kanin. Sa Amerika, ang kanin, mula pagkapitas hanggang sa pagkaluto at tinatawag na rice. Ito ay dahil hindi sila masyado kumakain ng kanin. Ang kanilang “staple grains” ay wheat o mais. Sa Pilipinas naman, ang kanin ang pinakasikat na staple food, kaya tayo, imbes na isa ang binibigay na pangalan sa kanin ay maraming marami. Ang palay kung hindi pa tinatanggal ang balat. Bigas pag hindi pa luto, Kanin pag luto na, Tutong ang tawag sa sunog na kanin, Sinangag pag pinainit sa mantika na kanin. Marami pang ibang salita sa wikang Pilipino na ginagamit sa araw araw ang konektado sa kanin. Isa pang example nito ay ang salitang niebe. Kaunti lang sa mga Pilipino ang may alam na ang salitang niebe ay “snow” sa Inggles. Ito ay dahil hindi tayo nakakaranas ng niebe dito sa mga tropikal na mga bansa. Sa Alaska naman, mayroong labingapat na salita ang mga Inuit para sa niebe. Ito naman ay dahil importante ang niebe sa buhay buhay nila. Sa mga American indians naman, walang past tense ang kanilang mga salita, dahil naniniwala silang isang paulit-ulit na bilog lamang ang panahon. Naniniwala sila na paulit ulit lamang ang mga araw, kaya dapat hindi na balikan ang nakaraan, kundi ang isipin dapat lamang ay ang ginagawa ngayon. Lahat nga ng meron sila ay ngayon. Sa tulang “Isang Huling Salita,” makikita ang epekto ng Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis sa linyang “subukin ang sadyang pagnanasa na maunawaan sa pagitan ng mga salita.” o mas spesipiko, “sa pagitan ng mga salita.” Dahil ang kaisipan dito ay tinatago ng diyos ang ibang kaalaman para tingnan kung maisip natin ang mga sagot sa ating mga tanong, edi ginagawang parang regalo ang lengwahe. Ito ay dahil ang primerong mensahe ng linya ay para maintindihan natin gamit ang mga salita natin. Nagiging kasangkapan ang salita para maintindihan natin ang mundong kinagagalawan natin, at para maisip natin ang mga tanong na di natin masagot sagot. Ito ang mahika ng salita. Wala tayong magagawa kung wala ang salita. Kung wala ang salita, hindi natin maisusulat ang ating mga kaalaman, o baka nga hindi tayo makapagisip ng mga bagay na hindi lang nararamdaman ng katawan, dahil wala tayong representasyon na maaaring gamitin upang gawing memorya. Hindi rin natin maibabahagi ang ating mga naisip, dahil walang salita, walang sulat, kaya’t hindi magkakaintindihan ang mga tao. Naisabi na nga sa simula na ni isang indibidwal ang kayang alamin ang kasagutan sa lahat, dahil tayo bilang tao ay may limitasyon. Pero, pag maraming tao ang nagiisip at sumasagot ng mga tanong, baka nga ay mahanap pa natin ang sagot sa mga tanong natin. Yan ang maaaring kasukdulan ng tulang “Isang Huling Salita,” baka nga dahil sa salita, ay mahanap natin ang katotohanan. Ang Salita, siya ang susi sa lahat ng kaalaman. Kung mayroong isang katauhan sa buong antolohiyang “Hindi Man Lang Nakita,” ito marahil ang tao bilang parte ng sangnilikha. Nakikita sa buong antolohiya na ang persona ay isa na nagiisip. Ginagamit niya ang metapora ng tula upang ipakita ang kagandahan, o ang nakikita niyang kagandahan sa mundong ito. Siya rin ay parte ng tula, pero siya rin ang nagsusulat ng tula. Makikita ang temang paghahanap ng katotohanan sa marami kung hindi sa lahat ng mga tula sa antolohiya. Milyong milyong taon nang nabubuhay ang mga tao sa mundong ito. Milyong milyong taon din nilang pinagisipan ang mga retorikang di pa nga masagot hanggang sa kasalukuyang panahon. Ang katauhan ay masasabing kolektibong pananaw ng lahat ng naong nabuhay, nabubuhay, at mabubuhay. Ito ang kanilang walang hanggang paghanap, hanggang, baka nga naman, sa tulong nga ng salita, at sa palad din ng diyos, ay matanaw nila nag katotohanan. Sino nga naman ang makakapagakala na sa isang simpleng antolohiya ng labinglimang mga tula ay naglalaman ng karamiraming mga palaisipan. Masasabi nga na nilalaman nito ang buong kasaysayan ng tao, at ang kanyang walang tigil na paghanap. Hindi ko masasabing bago ang mga pagiisip na ganito. Kung masdan lang mabuti, marami nang nauna sa mga isipang ganito, at mas marami pa ang nakaisip na ang mga salita ang pundasyon ng kaalaman. Ano ang kakaiba sa librong ito? Nabasa ko ito. Nabaso ko, at nakakuha ako ng kahit kaunti ng kaalaman ng may akda. Baka balang araw ay ipamahagi ko rin ang aking kaalaman. Kung sa bagay... ako man ay parte ng persona ng antolohiya. Ako ay parte din ng tula. Ako din, ay tagasulat din ng tula. Hindi lang ito ang antolohiya ng mga tula ng may akda, ito ang antolohiya ng aking pagkatao. Ito ang antolohiya ng tao.

Yeba! Halloween!

New Layout! Halloween TS!

Someday Again...

(sips coffee) (giggles) what? nothing... (smiles) that's how it all began... huh? how did what begin? Jokelang... kala niyo itutuluy ko noh? Nah... the next literary piece will be the 10 page paper I wote for Filipino... anyway... finals are over... I haven't slept in days... literally... I tried the expresso shot at starbucks to boost me up... worked for 6 hours... but I had to pee every 3 minutes... HAHAHAHAHA... I liked the "Someday" series... it's postmodern literature...

someday is today

(4 hours later)

(phone rings) (phone rings) (phone rings) (phone rings)

(phone rings) (phone rings) (phone rings) (phone rings)

Dammit! Where the hell are they?

end.