Thursday, February 28, 2008

De La Salle University Manila History - February 12, 1945

You all know of my great respect and admiration for the Christian Brothers who had died in Feb 1945 during the DLSC Massacre. This is an extremely graphic excerpt from a book entitled "By Sword and Fire : The Destruction of Manila in World War II, 3 February - 3 March 1945" by Alfonso J. Aluit.

Please take time to read and feel this excerpt.

These people and their noble actions are prime examples of the most valiant interpretation of Jean Baptiste De La Salle's famous "I will continue O my God, to do all my actions for the love of You." To give your life for others is the greatest sacrifice.

THE BROTHERS OF THE CHRISTIAN SCHOOLS (FRATRES CHRISTIANARUM SCHOLARUM)

The De La Salle Christian Brothers arrived in Manila in 1911 when the Catholic authorities stood in fear that Philippine education was falling into Protestant hands. The Spanish clergy had withdrawn from the islands. Education had become a secular matter. Of 35 or 36 American school superintendents, only one was Catholic. Nearly all the American teachers who came over on the U.S.S. Thomas were Protestant. The country had been apportioned among the Protestant sects for purposes of evangelization. The Episcopalians had established an educational center in Baguio and the Presbyterians another in Dumaguete. There was need to re-establish Catholic education and locate a focal point.

The De La Salle Christian Brothers came to the Philippines through the persistence of the then American Archbishop of Manila Monsignor Jeremiah J. Harty, the first American archbishop of Manila, who was a graduate of the Christian Brothers' college in St. Louis, Missouri.

Archbishop Harty had made repeated requests to the Christian Brothers to establish schools in the Philippines. A team of Christian Brothers had been in Manila in 1907 to conduct a survey land consult with the authorities, but nothing developed from that venture.

There were policy conditions that needed to be satisfied, failing which the Christian Brothers withheld positive action. The financing problem was foremost. The Archdiocese of Manila could not underwrite the costs of a free school, and the Christian Brothers would not operate schools for the rich. The original vocation of Saint John Baptist de la Salle who founded the Institute of the Brothers of the Christian Schools (Fratres Chistianarum Scholarum) (FSC) in 1680 was the education of the children of the poor and the working classes.

During a visit to Rome in 1911, Archbishop Harty brought the matter of having the Christian Brothers in Manila directly to Pope St. Pius X, their Superior General at Lembecq, Belgium. On 19 March 1911, a three-man team led by French Brother Blimond Pierre FSC arrived in Manila.

The three were joined shortly by Bro. Adolphe Alfred FSC from Barcelona, Spain who was experienced in handling matters such as were required by the projected school. It was Bro. Alfred who negotiated the purchase of the lot at 417 Nozaleda street in Paco from Don Luis Perez Samanillo, for the school campus. The building on the lot had earlier been used by the American School. At a latter time, this address would become 1166 General Luna street. The Christian Brothers took possession of the property 27 April 1911.



DE LA SALLE COLLEGE MANILA

With the arrival of six other De La Salle Christian Brothers on 13 May 1911, the school was now adequately satisfied.

On 16 June 1911, the new school, named De La Salle College, after the founder of the Order, opened with an enrollment of 125 boys. French Brother Blimond Pierre FSC became the first director.

Since the Archdiocese of Manila could not fund a free school, De La Salle College became a tuition school. It took in "upperclass children," whose rich parents could underwrite the costs, on the presumption that such children also needed "good moral and spiritual training." There were but few Filipino children in the early De La Salle College classes. Most students were Americans, Spaniards and Germans.

Illness caused Bro. Blimond Pierre FSC to return to France in May 1912. He was succeeded by Bro. Goslin Camillus FSC. That year, four other Christian Brothers arrived to augment the teaching staff, among whom was Bro. Egbert Xavier FSC, an Irish national.

The Manila mission of the De La Salle Christian Brothers prospered eminently and by 1915, it was evident that the General Luna property in Paco was inadequate. Bro. Aciselus Michael FSC who had become director, negotiated the purchase of 30,300 sq.m. of land on Taft Avenue in the Singalong district in Manila. This area was the southern parameter of the city at this time. Vito Cruz street was only a proposal in city plans. The Rizal Memorial Stadium was not in anyone's mind and the site on which it would rise in another score of years was called Malate Park.

The De La Salle Christian Brothers contemplated a modern educational plant of the site. The plans were drawn by Architect Tomas Mapua, a graduate of Cornell University in Ithaca, New York. It would cost P200,000. On 11November 1917, De La Salle College was authorized to confer academic degrees. It introduced a four-year high school course and withdrew the 3-year commercial high school curriculum. Three new Brothers arrived in 1919, among whom was Irish Brother Flavius Leo FSC.

In 1920, the Paco property was sold to the businessman Vicente Madrigal. That year, American Bro. Albinus Peter FSC succeeded Bro. Michael FSC as Director. Construction on the Taft Avenue. Campus began on April 1921. Japanese workers were engaged for the construction work and Chinese craftsmen were called to make doors and window sashes.

On 24 September 1921, although only the first floor and half of the second floor were finished, the Christian Brothers took possession of their new campus and the student body moved over. Construction work did not resume until the following year when Bro. Michael returned for a second term as director. It was Bro. Michael who acquired the adjoining 30,300sq.m. lot to double the size of the De La Salle campus.

In 1937, Irish Brother Egbert Xavier FSC became president-director of the De La Salle college. Bro. Xavier would make his mark on this institution by completing the north and south wings of the building on Taft Avenue.

Bro. Egbert Xavier FSC was born William Kelly in Wicklow county, Ireland, in 1894. He first came to Manila at the age of 18, when De La Salle college had just started operations at the old Paco campus. He returned to the Order's Mother House in Belgium for his second Novitiate in 1929, completing which he was posted to missionary work in Burma and Hong Kong. He returned to Manila from Hong Kong in 1935, and in 1937 succeeded to the premiere post of De La Salle College.

Brother Egbert Xavier FSC was destined to play a key role in the future events at De La Salle. For the present he won compliments for the new chapel on the second floor of the south wing which was completed in August 1938. Dedicated to the Blessed Sacrament, it was blessed by the Archbishop of Manila 8 December that year. It had a beautiful marble altar, the gift of former Director American Brother Albinus Peter FSC, in memory of his parents.

In August 1939, the South Wing was finally completed. What emerged on the 6.6 hectare lot was a three-storey, H-shaped building in the neoclassical style which became a very impressive landmark in this section of the city.

Following the outbreak of the war in Europe in 1939, the British expelled German nationals from their territories. On 8 July 1940, two German De La Salle Brothers arrived in Manila from Hong Kong. Ten more came, 10 October 1940, from Singapore and Malaya.

De La Salle College was a flourishing institution when World War II broke out in the Philippines, 8 December 1941. It had a student body of 1,200 in all three levels, and a complement of 27 American and European De La Salle Christian Brothers in residence.

Classes were suspended when the Japanese started bombong objectives in Manila in December 1941. For a while, military personnel were quartered in the premises. Later, De La Salle College was used as an emergency hospital.

When the Japanese occupied the city of Manila in January 1942, they established their Southern Manila Defense Headquarters at the De La Salle College building. Only the South Wing was left to the Christian Brothers whose numbers were reduced following the interment of Allied nationals including the American De La Salle Christian Brothers. Some of the American De La Salle Brothers went to Baguio. Others were interred at Los Banos.

* "By Sword and Fire: The Destruction of Manila in World War II, 3 February – 3 March 1945 / Alfonso J. Aluit. Makati, Metro Manila : Bookmark, c1995. Pages69 -72.


TUESDAY, 6 FEBRUARY 1945

Today, two Japanese soldiers appeared before the De la Salle college Brothers and asked for the names and nationalities of the community members and the refugees.

Brother Anthony FSC heard the Japanese inquire from the Director, Brother Egbert Xavier FSC, how many persons were in the premises, and the latter replied, "One hundred and one."

One of the Brothers, Brother Maximin FSC, had studied Nippongo and could deal with the Japanese with their own language. Now Brother Maximin typed the census of residents in the south wing of the De La Salle building, which totalled only 68 persons.

FRIDAY, 9 FEBRUARY 1945

At the south wing of the De La Salle College on Taft Avenue, the Christian Brothers and the refugee families passed the hours in deep anxiety. The family of Judge Jose Carlos was distraught. The Judge and the De La Salle Director, Brother Egbert Xavier FSC, had been hauled away by the Japanese on 7th February, and had not returned. They were believed to have brought over to the Nippon club which adjoined the De La Salle property to the south on Taft Avenue. There was no way of ascertaining the two men's fate. The area was under heavy bombardment from the north side.

* pages 227 – 228.


THE MASSACRE AT DE LA SALLE COLLEGE MANILA

MONDAY 12 FEBRUARY 1945

The daily Mass at the De La Salle College on Taft Avenue was not celebrated this morning. The shelling was so intense that the De La Salle Chaplain, Rev. Father Francis J. Cosgrave, CSsR, would not risk gathering so many people in one spot.

Shortly before noon the residents gathered at the foyer for lunch. In the circumstances, no amenities for a decent meal were at hand. The food was laid out in pots and pans on the floor and each person reached out as one could for what was available.

Done with lunch, the group started to disperse. Most of them sought favored corners in the foyer, stood around in small groups, withdrew to the cellar, or went up to the second floor to stretch their legs and take in the clearer air.

Now a band of Japanese led by an officer appeared at the gate where Brother Maximin FSC confronted them. It seems that they suspected the corridors and looked into the rooms. Finding nothing that interested them, they left.

Shortly the same Japanese officer went back with two men. Now they grabbed the Carlos family manservant Mateo and two of the college staff, Anslemo Sudlan and Panfilo Almodan, and hustled them away, ignoring Brother Maximin's loud protests.

One of the soldiers stayed. He had a tin of sardines, probably his lunch ration, but had nothing with which to open it. Brother Mutwald opened the can for him and fetched him some rice to go with the sardines. The Japanese soldier was just starting to eat when the gate abruptly swung open again and the three men who had been taken away hurthed through, two of them seriously wounded. Seeing the soldier eating, the officer dashed to him and gave him a resounding slap across the face. Both marched out of the hall. The community gathered around the wounded men, deeply agitated. Panfilo's intestines were spilling out.

Now a large band of about 20 Japanese stormed through the gate. The officer yelled a harsh command and a rifle shot reverberated across the hall.

At this moment, Irish Brother Leo Flavius FSC, the senior De La Salle Brother in residence, and the chaplain, Father Cosgrave, were sitting quietly on a bench outside the wine cellar door.

Mrs. Victoria Cojuangco, coddling her adopted son Ricardo, and her daughter Lourdes, 15, had entered the wine cellar. With them were Mrs. Felicidad Uychuico, her daughters Soledad, 6, and Paz, 3, and two Carlos sisters, Gloria 17, and Dionisia, 16.

Dr. Antonio Cojuangco had gone to the second floor to his son, Antonio, Jr., 17, who was recuperating from typhoid in a small room to the right of the entrance to the chapel. With him were Mr. and Mrs. Sevillano Aquino and the male nurse, Filomeno Inolin.

The Carlos sisters, Rosario, 21, and Asela, 20, hang around the chapel door. Along the corridors were Fortunata Salonga, 14, the young Aquino servant-maid, and Regina, the Uychuico househelp. Inside the chapel, 6-year-old Antonio Carlos had pre-empted the confessional box and now longed in it quite unconcernedly.

Along the corridors, too, at this time, were Brothers Mutwald, Anthony and Victor, taking a respite.

On the staircase, Mrs. Juanita Carlos, with her youngest, Jose, Jr., 3, was coming up.

Don Enrique Vazquez-Prada was in a stall in the toilet on the second floor. The young cook of the De La Salle Brothers, Teofilo Candari, 23, was in his small room on the same floor.

Brother Leo Flavius FSC, 69, formerly Dean of Studies at De La Salle College, was knowlegable in Oriental languages and understood Japanese. When he heard the Japanese officer's command, Brother Leo slipped to his knees from the bench by the cellar door where he had been sitting with Father Cosgrave and cried, "On your knees, everyone! Father Cosgrave, please grant us absolution!"

The shooting and bayoneting began!

Ramon Cojuangco, 20, stood with his recent bride, the former Natividad de las Alas, also 20, near the cellar door. Now he dashed into the cellar to warn his mother and the others inside. His wife screamed and dashed after him but was overtaken by a Japanese who lunged with his bayonet. She fell, mortally wounded.

When Ramon Cojuangco popped into the cellar to shout a warning, many of those inside rushed out panic-stricken, among them his mother, Mrs. Victoria Cojuangco who was toting her adopted son, Ricardo, 3; Mrs. Felicidad Uychuico and Dionisia Carlos. They met with bayonets outside the cellar door. Mortally stricken, Mrs. Cojuangco crawled back into the cellar and would perish in minutes. She had lost hold of her son, Ricardo, who was critically wounded and now lay bloodied by the door. Mrs. Uychuico and Dionisia Carlos were wounded by slightly and stumbled back into the cellar. The others had stayed put inside and were unscathed.

The Uychuico maidservant Clarita Roldan, 17, was sitting on the bottom steps of the staircase when she heard the first shot. She dove under a mattress which lay at her feet on the floor and staye there.

The Japanese split into two groups. One pursued those who ran up the staircase while the others busied itself into the foyer.

Brother Leo was on his knees before Father Cosgrave, seeking absolution. Father Cosgrave raised his right arm to make the sign of the cross over the kneeling Brother and at this precise moment, the Japanese struck with his bayonet. It passed uner Father Cosgrave's arm into Brother Leo's chest. The Brother slumped against the priest's legs and the latter could not move. Now the Japanese turned his bayonet on Father Cosgrave. The priest was hit in the right side of the chest and found himself sprawling on the floor.

In the initial onslaught, the three older Vasquez-Prada boys, tall husky young men, were among the first to fall. The 5-year-old Fernando Vasquez-Prada was thrown to the floor and a Japanese went after him. Three time the Japanese swung at the boy with his bayonet, each time but nicking him slightly as he squirmed fearfully on the floor. At this point his mother-Helen Vasquez-Prada sprang up and scooped the boy off the floor. Like an enraged tigress she fought back. She kicked, she bit, she swung her free fist, the boy Fernando under her arm.

When the Japanese officer with the saber lunged at the boy the mother offered her body. She was slashed across the shoulders, a big piece of flesh was hacked out of one thigh. She parried the blows with her hands and the fingers on both were neatly sliced away. Stabbed in the abdomen, Helen Vasquez-Prada fell to the floor, but the boy Fernando, 5, was not hurt further. One-by-one and in bunches the De La Salle Christian Brothers fell, big husky men in the prime of life. The Japanese-speaking Brother Maximin shouted "I am German," in a bid to calm down the attackers, to no avail. He turned and dashed to the stairs. Some Brothers reached the cellar but rushed out again. Now they grappled with their adversaries, struggling for possession of arms. All were overcome. Some died instantly, others fell with severe injuries and would die slowly, painfully. Brothers Lucian, Gebhard, Paul and Hubert managed to scramble up the stairs.

Mrs. Juanita Carlos, with her youngest, Jose, Jr., 3, was going up the stairs when shooting started. She scooped up the boy but was overtaken by a Japanese marine at the second landing. She fell from a rifle shot but she sheltered her son with her body. Brother Baptist De La Salle FSC was dashing up behind the two and grabbed the boy when the mother fell. With his own body the De La Salle Brother shielded the 3-year-old Jose Carlos, Jr.

Cecilia Carlos, 12, was tagging after her mother, with the servantmaids Juanita and Felisa, when they were caught up in the mad scramble to the second floor. Cecilia was shot but managed to reach the chapel door where she fell dead. Felisa was slightly wounded and picked up the 3-year-old Jose Carlos, Jr. where Brother Baptist had concealed him under a mattress before he collapsed. Juanita had a finger shot away from her left hand, but suffered no further injury.

The first Japanese to reach the second floor now came upon the firls who stood rooted to the floor by the chapel door, terror-stricken. Rosario Carlos, 21, stuck close to her sister Asela, 20. They were joined by the servantmaids Fortunata, who served the Aquino couple, and Regina, who served the Uychuico family.

Now Rosario stood face-to-face with this Japanese Marine with the rifle poised not three feet away. Rosario remembers seeing a flash accompanied by a deafening shot. She felt herself falling helplessly. The bullet had entered the left side of her chest and exited in the back. But she remained conscious. She heard others scream in terror and the crash of gunfire was horrible to her ears, but Rosario Carlos picked herself up and made it to the chapel threshold where she fell again.

Asela Carlos, 20, and Fortunata Salonga, 14, were subjected to saber blows and bayonet stabs. Asela's arms were almost severed at the elbows. Fortunata lay prostrate with lethal wounds. Regina had slipped inside the chapel with but a scratch near the mouth.

When Servillano Aquino, 25, first heard the screaming and shooting in the foyer, he stepped out of the room beside the chapel door where he and his wife were visiting with Antonio Cojuangco, Jr., 17, who was recovering from illness. Also in the room were Dr. Antonio Cojuangco, Sr., and the male nurse, Filomeno Inolin.

Aquino started down the staircase to find out what was happening when one of the Brothers below, already fighting for his life motioned him away. Auino returned to the sick boy's room. The group locked itself in. From outside came the sound of a stampede. A gunshot was heard followed by many more accompanied by fearful screams. Aquino distinctly recognized Asela's terrified screams.

Shortly there was loud banging on the door and the group inside had no choice but to open up. The male nurse Filomeno Inolin was the first to step out of the room. He was followed by Dr. Cojuangco. Sevillano Aquino came next. The first thing Aquino saw was Asela Carlos sitting on the floor near the chapel door, her back against the wall, her left arm dangling precariously. The Japanese ordered Inolin to turn around and when the male nurse did so, the Japanese stabbed him in the back repeated ly with his bayonet. Aquino watched the nurse fall sprawling on the floor and his eyes were led to the bloodied body of the family help Fortunata Salonga, 14, on the floor.

Terror-stricken Dr. Cojuangco dashed towards the chapel. A Japanese sprang after him and Aquino only heard his father-in-law cry out in pain, "A-a-a-g-h."

Now another Japanese ordered Aquino to turn around. But Aquino had seen what happened to Filomeno Inolin. Instead, he lunged at the Japanese in a determined bid to get hold of the rifle. But the Japanese was quicker and Aquino got the bayonet in his chest, just below the left nipple. He staggered backwards. The Japanese stabbed him again, this time on the right side of the chest. Again the Japanese lunged at Sevillano Aquino who got the bayonet in the neck. He fell on the floor.

From where he lay Servillano saw a Japanese drag the recuperating Antonio Cojuangco, Jr., out of his sick room. The boy was so weak he could hardly stand. The Japanese stabbed him twice with his bayonetted rifle and the boy collapsed in a dead heap on the floor.

Now the Japanese pushed Aquino along the floor forward, "like he was cleaning the floor with my body," Aquino testified.

Aquino's month-long bride, the former Trinidad Cojuangco, 18, stood petrified. Suddenly she darted towards her husband. One Japanese shot her in the back. She collapsed to the floor. Now the Japanese tormenting Aquino walked over to the woman on the floor and struck with his bayonet again and again until she was quiet and still. He returned to Aquino and bayonetted him twice more. Aquino passed out.

Wounded in the foyer, Brother Maximin ran up the stairs to the chapel door where Brother Anthony stood trembling and breathless. "They are going to kill us all," Bro. Maximin shouted and stumbled inside the chapel, Bro. Anthony close on his heels.

Now Brothers Lucian, Gebhard, Lambert, Paul, Hubert, Victor, and Mutwald joined Bro. Anthony who was trying to stem Bro. Maximin's bleeding where the latter lay below the communion railing.

Brother Gebhard and Brother Paul sank to the floor between the middle pews. Brother Mutwald and Brother Victor crouched between the pews farther up. Behind them, the Uychuico servantmaid Regina, but slightly hurt, whimpered in terror. Inside the confessional box, 6-year-old Antonio Carlos lolled about, apparently oblivious to peril. At the door, still on their feet, Brothers Lucian, Lambert and Hubert made as though to bar entry.

A band of five Japanese led by an officer with a saber menacingly confronted the three De La Salle Brothers at the chapel door. Brother Lucian grappled with the nearest man but the officer with the saber slashed at him with savage blows. Brothers Lambert and Hubert too, fell, cruelly mutilated by blades.

Now the band entered the magnificent De La Salle Main Chapel and one after the other the Brothers cowering between the pews came under the sword. Those who did not perish instantly would bleed to death or never come out of shock. Now the 6-year-old Antonio Carlos, now fully conscious of danger, scrambled out of the confession box. One Japanese chased the terrified child and stuck him in the back, then lifted the 6-year-old's body still stuck on the blade and dashed it to the floor. Antonio had little chance.

Brother Anthony now abandoned Brother Maximin by the communion rail and ran for the exit. He was cornered near the door. One Japanese swung his bayonetted rifle at the De La Salle Christian Brother. The first blow stuck so deeply that to extricate the blade the Japanese had to place a foot on the Brother's chest. Two successive blows from another assailant sank deep into the abdomen. Five times more the Japanese thrust at Brother Anthony but he was able to parry them and his arms were badly slashed. Bleeding profusely and hurting from his wounds, Bro. Anthony reeled into the chapel and fell between the pews. His tormentors left him for dead.

Don Enrique Vazquez-Prada, 59, half-paralyzed from a stroke, was in the bathroom on the second floor when the Japanese struck in the foyer below. He heard the fearful screams and the shouting, the crash of gunfire and the scurrying of feet down the corridors. Mindful of his condition, Senor Vazquez-Prada stayed in the bathroom.

Also in the bathroom at this time was Teofilo Cabdari, 23, the cook and baker of the De La Salle community. Teofilo had a small room to himself on the second floor and was up there when he heard the sound of mayhem in the foyer. Teofilo went to the bathroom and locked himself inside a stall.

Now a Japanese marine walked into the toilet and discovered Teofilo Candari in his hiding place. "Are there others here?" the Japanese asked.

"No one," Teofilo replied, whereupon the Japanese struck at him with his fixed-bayonet. Teofilo agilely jumped aside and grappled for the bayonetted rifle. He swung wildly with his fist and sent his adversary on his back to the floor. At this moment, another Japanese marine appeared and slashed at Candari with his bayonet. Candari's right thigh was ripped open. Candari went for this Japanese too, but bleeding and in pain, he took the worst part. His arms were slashed, he was stabbed in the neck and in the back. The bayonet opened his abdomen and Teofilo Candari saw his intestines pop out. He fell, bloodied and gasping, his intestines in his hands. The Japanese left him to die. But Teofilo Candari, bleeding from 33 wounds, did not die. He rolled on the floor till he came where the other wounded lay at the entrance to the chapel.

Sated, the Japanese surveyed their handiwork. In the foyer, the torn bodies, bloodsoaked and with gaping wounds, sprawled everywhere. Some lay quiet and still, dead. Some quivered or moaned in their final throes and were given quick coups-de-grace. The rest lay unconscious from terrible trauma or in shock from loss of blood. The floor ran with blood. The walls were spangled with red where the wounded had been thrown against them.

Up the staircase, the bodies lay tiny and forsaken. All along the corridors and into the chapel, the dead and dying were scattered.

Inside the chapel, the bodies of the De La Salle Christian Brothers, clad in their religious habits, sprawled on the tile floor. Blood flowed on the floor, was splashed on the walls and was congealing on the pews.

Now the Japanese started to leave. Behind them there settled a deep, eerie silence, broken only by a sharp gasp or a pained cry from some crushed body that was dying hard. Outside, the shelling did not bate.

Inside the wine cellar, Mrs Antonio Cojuangco, 37, lay dead. Also inside the cellar, Mrs. Clemente Uychuico and her niece Dionisia Carlos were wounded but alive. Her small daughters Soledad and Paz, and another niece Gloria Carlos, cringed in unmitigated terror, but were unhurt. So was Ramon Cojuangco. Just outside the cellar door, Cojuangco's recent bride, nee Natividad de las Alas, lay dying. Close to her was the lifeless body of the newly-baptized adopted son of the Cojuangcos, Ricardo, 3.

De La Salle Chaplain Father Cosgrave lay where he fell, unconscious, blood oozing from stab wounds in the chest. The bodies of two Vazquez-Prada boys sprawled across the priest's legs, dead. Lourdes Cojuangco, 15, sprawled across his head, unconscious. Close to the priest sprawled the dead body of Brother Leo. Brother Arkadius lay within arm's-length, with grievous head injuries, brain matter leaking from his skull.

At the foot of the staircase, Helen Vazquez-Prada, bleeding from multiple wounds, leaned against the wall, her legs extended on the floor. Beside her, Fernando, 5, kept quiet and still, as his mother admonished him. Under a mattress nearby, Clarita Roldan, 17, lay scarcely breathing, but unscathed.

When Rosario Carlos, 21, got her bearings, she found herself under a chair in the corridor to the chapel. The shells from the American sector crashed terrifyingly outside and fearful of getting hit, Rosario slid along the floor towards the chapel door. She reached the door but she was too weak to raise herself over the threshhold into the chapel. She lay there, on the doorstep, aching and confused.

Inside the chapel, the servant-maid Regina had suffered a scratch on the face, but was in near-hysteria. Seeing Brother Anthony alive, she sidled up to him probably seeking comfort in the face of so much death. The wounded De La Salle Brother asked the convulsively sobbing girl to help him up, but she moved away confused and speechless and sought shelter behind a pew.

Bleeding profusely, Brother Anthony dragged himself to the corridor. He could go no farther and lasped into unconsciousness again.

Just beyond the gate downstairs, the Japanese made merry. They sang boisterously and shouted, gadding drunkenly about the enclosure as though celebrating something grand. Occasionally some of them would walk into the hall that now reeked with blood, apparently to check whether anyone still moved.

Night fell. In the foyer Father Cosgrave regained consciousness but he was too weak to pull himself from under the bodies that had fallen on him. Lourdes Cojuangco, 15, lay across his head. Now Lourdes stirred and came to, and slid away to nurse her injuries.

Father Cosgrave struggled to his feet and went from one body to another giving absolution to those still alive. Stumbling upon dead bodies, literally slushing through pools of blood, the priest dragged himself up the staircase to the chapel on the second floor. He crawled to the narrow space behind the altar where he collapsed and lost consciousness again.

On the second floor, Enrique Vazquez-Prada, 59 and half-paralyzed, shuffled out of his bathroom stall and through the deathly corridors he crept down the stairway now slippery with blood, searching for his family.

He found the older boys dead. He was too feeble to do anything for his wife who lay with her legs extended on the floor and her back against the wall by the staircase. Now he took the 5-year old Fernando back upstairs, seeking food. They found a tin of adobo and Don Enrique fed his son. It was while doing this that a team of Japanese came upon them. Now Enrique Vazquez-Prada fell to bayonet stabs, right before his son's eyes. The boy, himself wounded, was spared. Now he crept back to his hiding place beside his mother by the wall near the staircase in the foyer.

Mrs. Helen Vazquez-Prada suffered from intense thirst and cried out for water. Lourdes Cojuangco, 15, herself asprawl near the cellar door, advised little Fernando to give his mother the rice washings in a container nearby.

Fernando refused. The water was dirty. Lourdes insisted it was all right. Fernando stoutly refused. Now the Japanese were back, their hobnailed steps like sentences of death. The two kept still.

When all was quiet again, Ramon Cojuangco crept out of the cellar to pull Lourdes inside. He found his bride barely alive and took her inside too.

At various times the Japanese would tramp into the hall. Once they looked into the cellar, but everyone kept still and they were left unmolested.

Again Ramon Cojuangco ventured out of the cellar and found two of the De La Salle College staff and a male househelp still alive and able to move. He got the three together and his sister Lourdes up the staircase to the chapel where they found Father Cosgrave behind the altar. Ramon's wife could not move and was left in the cellar.

Lourdes came upon Brother Maximin lying by the communion rail, his eyes wide open. Lourdes said something to him only to recoil in horror to find she was talking to a corpse. One of the college staff had a key to the sacristy over the altar. The small group *went up the spiral staircase and locked itself in. Here they stayed the night through.

Brother Anthony had regained consciousness and from the corridor where he had collapsed, he struggled down the staircase, hoping that someone in the foyer might be able to help him.

At the foot of the stairs he shouted for help. But none was forthcoming. The Brother made the arduous trip back upstairs and crawled, staggered and slid on the floor, to his own room on the second floor.

In the dark Mrs. Helen Loehwinson Vazquez-Prada as beset by chills. She cried out for blankets. In the cellar, Dionisia Carlos, 16, recovered from shock, heard the woman's pitiful cries. She rummaged among the boxes in the cellar and found a scarf which she now brought out and wrapped around Mrs. Vazquez-Prada' s shoulders.

In the dark, Servillano Aquino heard the voice of his family's maid-servant Fortunata Salonga, crying for water. Someone came up with water for her. Shortly, little Fortunata too lay dead.

From other parts of the corridor Servillano could hear the low moans and labored breathing of the wounded. He knew that somewhere near him in the dark his father-in-law Dr. Antonio Cojuangco Sr., the male nurse Filemon Inolin and Rosario Carlos, lay wounded, but were alive.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Ateneo Parafernalia

I'm NOT showing off. This is for an Atenean-to-be who needs these documents :D.

To that person: There are other courses in JGSOM as in the other "Schools" of the Loyola Schools... check the website, and if you find a course that interests you, tell me so I can get you the flowchart.

ateneo website here

and my position is....

drumroll please...

1...

2...

3...

4...

5...

6...

7...

8...

9...

10...

11...

I am ACED's new...

Student Volunteer...

Finance Officer / Vice Secretary General.

well nomination pa lang yan... voting is on March 5... I'm running against "abstain."

Yay... Kaya 'to!

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Nelligent


Anyone who correctly explains all the pop culture and science references here gets 500 pesos... I love intelligent comic strips... Beerkada sort of sold out lately, so I found this instead!

In Line With Love~Monkeys



http://xkcd.com/162
all rights reserved xkcd.com


It's so nerdy sweet... I want to be like that...

Panukat Pilipino (Lapitan, 2008)

Sagutan ang surbey na ito ng purong tagalog lamang at walang halong ingles.
(laughtrip comments in parentheses :D)

1.anong ayos ng buhok mo ngayon?
- sinabi ng aking stylist na isang pagsasama ng paraang Hapon at Koreano ang pagkagupit niya sa buhok ko. "buhok na kaakit akit" ang tawag niya sa paraang iyon. ('Sexy Hair' tawag niyta sa style na yun btw..)

2. kumusta na ang puso mo?
- may mga taba na nakadikit sa mga daluyan ng dugo, pero bukod dun, gumagana naman.

3. may iniisip ka ba ngayon? ano?
- ang aking gawang-sining para sa aking Pagsusuri at Panukat sa Sikolohiya. (Psych Testing...)

4. madali ka bang magalit?
- Bathala hindi. (Lord, no. HAHAHAHAHA)

5. kelan ka huling nakakita ng unggoy?
- noong isang taon habang nagtratrabaho sa Sentrong Pang-hayop ng Maynila (Manila Zoo :D)

6. kelan ka huling uminom ng taho?
- noong isang taon sa Pamamantasan na pinapasukan ko.

7. anong huli mong ininom?
- tubig

8. may crush k b ngayun??
- wala akong iniibig sa panahong ito. (shame how Tagalog doesn't have a word for infatuation... just love.)

9. single? taken? o reserved?
- magisa (single :D)

10. kelan ka huling tumawa?
- kanina habang binabasa ang mga sagot ni Karl sa panukat na ito. (no C's in Tagalog..)

11. madali ka bang maimpluwensyahan?
- Datapwat hindi (wth does datapwat mean anyway)

12. e may lakad ka ba mamaya? kung wala ano gagawin mo?
- uuwi ako sa aming tahanan.

13.may pinoproblema ka ba ngayon?
- Yung aking gawang-sining para sa Pagsusuri at Panukat sa Sikolohiya.

14. anong pinakagusto mong nabili?
- pagkain.

15. mahilig ka bang tumakbo?
- hindi.

16. anong huli mong napanood sa tv?
- ang parangal Oskar sa Mundong Tala ( Star World hehehe)

18. madali ka bang magpatawad?
- Oo. Parang isinabi ng panginoon ay magpatawad tayo ng pito at pitompu.

19. malikot ka ba?
- hindi. masunurin akong bata.

20. anong mas gusto mo? single na gusto mo plang o taken na mahal mo na?
- nakuha na, mahal ko pa. Mahal ko, kaya ipaglalaban ko ang ating pagibig. Maghintay ka lamang, at darating ako. (Panday theme song with corrected grammar. "ay" isn't a Pilipino or Tagalog word.)

21. last friend/s you have been with?
- Hindi ko maintindihan ang tanong ng ginoo.

22. ilan ang sim mo?
- isa

23. sino madalas mO ka text?
- ang aking pinaka matalik na.... kasamahan sa klase... (kagrupo isn't Tagalog... what's Tagalog for group??)

24. anong pinapakinggan mo ngayon?
- "Nangagalaiti Ako sa Katotohanan na Kung Gaano Kita Kamahal" ni Rihanna at Neyo. (I Hate That I Love You So wek wek.)

25. san ka nakita last sunday?
- sa Pamantasan para sa isang paguusap ukol sa Pilosopiya.

26. may curfew ka ba?
- wala.

27. anong pinagkakaabalahan mo ngaun?
- pangugugol ng kaalaman para sa aralin.

28. sa palagay mo cno sunod na ssagot sa survey na to?
- wala na.

29. cno ung taong huling nagpaiyak sayo?
- Ang walang katapat na si Jun Lozada!!!!! 'tang ina mo Jun.

(I'm literally perspiring after that... It was an ordeal just trying to right the whole thing in proper Tagalog... and I've seen 3 mistakes already, but I won't edit... Lesson learned is that I need to get to know my language better.)

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Bukas Palad

Panginoon, turuan Mo ako maging bukas-palad
Turuan Mo akong maglingkod sa Iyo
Na magbigay nang ayon sa nararapat
Na walang hinihintay mula sa 'Yo

Lord, teach me to be generous

teach me to serve as you deserve

to give and not to count the cost


Nang makibakang di inaalintana
Mga hirap na dinaranas
Sa tuwina'y magsumikap na hindi humahanap
Ng kapalit na kaginhawaan
Na 'di naghihintay kundi ang aking mabatid
Na ang loob Mo'y siyang sinusundan

to fight and not to heed the wounds

to toil and not to seek for rest

to labor and not ask for reward

save for knowing that I do your most holy will.

To End: Eternal

Gaiel, 'tis time to end.

I am eternal.

I am dust that falls upon the earth.

I am carved upon these stones.

I am to lay upon a severed plane.

I am by virtue of my name.

I of the world. I am eternal.

I am to live eternity.

By force to live in apathy.

My mind does love, my body not.

My soul to long, my heart to stop.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Honored Ako, Grabe...

Binigyan ako ng letter ni Rainey...

Official letter from ACED. With matching letterhead and signatures.

Nakalagay sa letter na I've been a responsible and valuable member of the ACED volunteer team etc. It listed each and every one of my participations.

It said that they would like to invite me to become an ACED team officer.

Which position, I don't really know... Baka ComDev...

Will I do it? I have so much in mind to do...

Will I have time and energy for it?

Hmm..... The letter gave me until tommorrow to think it over...

ano? Dive in ba?

It's a super great honor for me to be asked to serve PublicEd in a grander way...

Can I take on the challenge?

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Parody Day 2008! Featuring Sanny Again

it's all about LOVE baby.

sometimes a little FAITH

and HOPE to keep you strong

Truth and Transparency (The Official Stement of Michael Cabauatan on the Current Political Situation

Ladies and gentlemen, in light of current events in the Philippine political system, I would like to make a renewed call to all Filipinos across social classes. The star witness Jun Lozada and the multiple testimonies of key people in industry and government have shown the growing filth of the Philippine political system under the current administration.... NOT.

putang inang pulitika yan! AHhahahHHAhaahhaHahAHhahahHaa!!!!!

Hoy mga burgis, balikan ninyo nalang ang mga shopping mall ninyo. Hindi kayo bagay na nagmamartsa sa may lansangan, na nagsisigaw-sigaw na mag accent! Hindi rin ninyo naman alam kung ano ang pinagsisisigaw ninyo e! Ang jologs ninyo tuloy tignan! Kung gusto ninyo man gumawa ng kabutihan sa inang bayan at sa mga isinasantabi, pakainin ninyo nalang yung taong grasa sa may tabi ng subdibisyon ninyo. O pwede pa mag GK ka nalang. May magagawa pa kayong kabutihang may patutunguhan. Kaysa naman isang simbolikong paglalakad para sa wala.

Sa mga dukhang komunista na gusto lang makigulo sa bayan, mag tanim nalang kayo ng kamote sa may bukiran para maibenta at mabigyan ng pondo ang CPP-NPA. Mukhang nawawalan na kayo ng pwersa sa mga probinsya kaya kayo nakikigulo sa Maynila.

Sa mga Sendor nating katawa-tawa ang mga ikinikilos... Magsayaw nalang kayo sa CCP o kaya maglakwatsa nalang kayo sa Luneta.

putang inang pulitika yan. Lahat nalang gusto maging bayani, hindi man lang iniisip ang bayan. Yan ba ang tunay na bayani?

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

American History X

Edward Norton is god. I am now the most avid fan of that film. American History X everyone. I love that movie. Deeper understanding of the philosophy behind racial conflict. Definitely.

Lozada and the Middle Class

god. I don't get why people keep on supporting Jun Lozada. Just like when people were supporting Joey de Venecia. I CAN SEE A MILLION LOOPHOLES! Why can't you? Am I imagining loopholes? Or are most people too busy listening to the anti-Gloria chants to understand them. The problem is that people assume what Lozada says is gospel truth. LOOPHOLES ANYONE!?!?!? See it from the victim's perspective. That's the only way how to objectively look at it. Who is the victim here? It's not the Filipino people, that's for sure. For once I will say that this day is when the middle class disappointed me most. The middle class is supposed to embody critical though. All I see is an embodied "makibaka" society which is unthinking enough to support without thinking of critique or consequence. Don't anybody dare shout "It's for the poor." I have yet to see anything productive to come from masses and rallies for "national empowerment." You people don't even know what majority of the Filipinos think. "Its for the people" my foot. The media has power over your souls. You all WILLINGLY gave your value systems to the media. The corrupt and partial media. CONGRATULATIONS MIDDLE CLASS!!!

Saturday, February 16, 2008

This Will Be Uber Sabaw

Me: Excuse me, na saan po ba yung Phil Stud po sa Journal Section?

Lib: Journal of Philippine Studies?

Me: Hindi ho. Pinoy Hotness po ang hinanahap ko. (being sarcastic)

Lib: kung gusto mo ng gwapo, may chinito jan sa may Biology Abstracts area.

Me: eh?

Don't worry. Nahanap ko rin ang Journal of Philippine Studies na hinanap hanap ko.

Pilosopa din pala si aleng librarian.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Yay! Valentines is Now Complete!

Okay... Valentines... It can't get any worse than people smothering each other in each other on the train. Their roses were scattered everywhere. Aside from free porn courtesy of the snogging nursing couple on the LRT, with the gigantic stuffed dog watching, the day was uneventful. Okay... the snogging wasn't THAT bad, but her legs were on his thighs! Just because there are only 20 other people in the compartment doesnt mean you have the right to snoggle space. Anyway... I had to encode my part of our Psy109 project, which was hell to do btw. I also had to present in perso... and my presentation got screwed over by font types... well, it wasn't really screwed over, but rather it became less pleasant. I couldn't make Thea and sanny's Vday Dinner in MoA. They must be pissed by now... SORRY NA. I also discovered that Marc and Rovilson lost the amazing race... DAMN YOU OTHER PEOPLE. I'm betting the worst mother in the world, who is also a pretty good dancer, is happy right now. I hate diane... so annoying... good thing she got eliminated before the last leg. anyway... happy Valentine's Day guys... enjoy yourselves :)

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Music Syota (Short Time)

First musical orgasm in years.

Okay, I was in the cafeteria today reading my Dao De Jing, when a group of people near the main concession just suddenly burst out in song. Things like that seem to happen a lot in tene... dancers, cheerleaders, choirs, people in kimonos, and dancing men in bear suits. Anyway, I, in my black t-shirt with the image of a man with an excessive number of piercings that glow in the dark, was exuding a rocker 'don't talk to me' image today, and I was keeping in antisocial character. I was eating lunch alone in a six seater table when the choir started singing. Freudianly enough, I smiled like an idiot, clapped my hands twice and ran towards the concession to listen to the choir sing. They finished their first song, which was some kundiman sort of thing, and they began their second song 'Go the Distance' from Disney's 'Hercules'. There I was in rocker clothes, with the matching chucks and wrist binders again looking like a total retard, the only one singing along with the choir. Again, that was soooooo veerrrrryyyy Freudian. When they stopped singing, they thanked the listeners and turned to their conductor, who surprisingly enough was our old High School CSA Chorale Conductor Mr. Tan! I was shocked to highest high to see him again. Anyway, I said hi when he passed me by, and he returned my greeting. After he left, it was only then I realized how idiotic I must have looked to those around me buying food in the concession, having some random fat guy in a rocker outfit singing Disney songs with a stupid grin on his face, clapping like an idiot.

Lesson learned:

Freud says that my unconscious says that I still have choir itch. I want to sing again.

Short term goal:

Get my voice back in condition by vocalizing and eating/drinking only choir prescribed diet.

Audition for the ACGC this June.

Make new friends.

Choirs are more than exclusive social groups. Although they can be very discriminative and reclusive, the social bonds formed, and the fact that you get to share your love for belting out with others make all the negative aspects null.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Penumbra

We are a world apart.

I am moon, and you are sun.

You bask in your endless light. You are wisdom and warmth.

I simply exist to reflect what little I can in times of total darkness.

My only happiness is to be in your prescence.

At the dawn of days, when you rise to shine upon the world, there I am fading at your light. It is at that moment I feel fully blessed. It is when I fade to unuse that I am able to grasp your light for my own, to be able to finally drown in your brilliance. We are together but for the few moments until I fade into you.

I Fear to Go Below

The hill will always be premiere.

The hill where humanism comes before anything else, and where there is no division between the sciences and the arts.

The hill where the goal is not to form scholastics, but rather people who not only master their craft, but also master the art of oneness of living with humanity.

The hill where all the idealisms of youth and religion are to be considered possible.

The hill where our proud colors blaze upon azule sky.

It is utopia in conception, but with undeniable flaws in execution.

The hill is where I stand, between earth and sky, where I look upon the depth of height, and fear what is below.

Yet there is also the loneliness of being.

I am alone on the hill, although I share it with eight thousand.

I am alone on the hill.

I fear to go below.

Saturday, February 09, 2008

Adam and Eve Had a Pet Dinosaur.

I'm a regular of the online forum pinoyexchange... and in all my years of being a "Pexer" only one thing has had me shocked. Some creationists (those who refuse to see the merits of evolution and instead base their belief on magic!) believe that Adam was 15 feet tall. He fought with dinosaurs. So a mental image of "Adam vs. T-Rex: The Movie!!!" comes to mind... I was just numbed out for an hour reflecting on how I should react to the 15 foot Adam theory. I'll share with you some quotes and an illustration...

http://pinoyexchange.com/forums/showthread.php?t=329854&page=3

"If indeed dragonflies from the fossil records have sizes of up to 2 feet, it does not actually surprise me. Remember, as a creationist, it still falls within our line of reason. The first man, Adam, is literally a giant compared to modern man."

"Adam Hung out with Dinosaurs, Is huge so he wasn't easily eaten and he also had 3 toes.... Ectrodactyly."

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Ayan.

I ate pizza today and listened to the Maslow lecture.

yan, is that what you want?

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Micks' Realization (If You Read anything of Mine Read This)

If you'll read this, please try to read it all... If not, I have outlined what is optional, semi-optional, and required to read, for your viewing convenience. :D

Introduction (reading is optional :D): Today was my first day serving in the Ateneo's Junior Engagement Program. Known in previous years as the Ateneo Labor Trials, it is a program that allows Atenean juniors the opportunity to experience the daily life of the working class majority. By allowing the students to do menial labor alongside their working class brothers and sisters, the program hopes to instill into every Atenean the wisdom of life from "down the hill."

JEeP Day 1 (semi optional :D)

It's all about splagchnizomai.

After an hour of introductory Chinese philosophy, I felt that my day could not get more head-splitting. My professor dismissed us late from class, and I had 30 minutes left to get from the depths of the Loyola Schools to Marikina Public Market. I took a trike to Aurora Boulevard and a Cogeo jeep to the palengke, where I was to do my initial 2 hours of JEeP service. I arrived at the fringe of the market at 2:40. I had to be at the market office at 3. I spent the next 20 minutes running around the market area asking people where the market office was. I arrived at the office at 3:01. As the officer on duty signed my time card, he gave me my Marikina Market uniform, which has the colored seal of the City of Marikina in front, and the words "Market Office" at back. He also gave me a pair of 1 meter long tongs. "You'll be cleaning the market," he said with a grimace on his face.

While walking towards the service area, I imagined how my other classmates were doing in their respective areas. I wondered about two second wave* Koreans in my class who were also to pick trash in the market. I also wondered about the English speaking homebodies who were selling fresh chickens in the adjacent area. I could imagine them saying "Please sir, make bili our manoks." I arrived at the site, and was surprised to find that I was not alone in trash picking that day. Some other poor unfortunate soul was dragged into the dirty task. I forgot his name, for reasons I will expound on later. We were assigned a guide to make sure we wouldn't get lost in the maze of saleable goods. His name is Danilo. We two Ateneans picked up bits and pieces of trash here and there for an hour or so, and when we reached the food court, Kuya Danilo told us to stay put while he tended to something. He said he would return in a few minutes. He left us there in idleness for an hour.

JEeP Lessons (this is required :D)

While enduring the long wait for Kuya Danilo, my Atenean trash buddy and I started conversation. We exchanged information such as names, degree programs, teachers, blockmates from each others' high schools, et al. You know the drill. He's a Management Engineering student, and we share the same Philosophy teacher. We both don't understand the technical aspects of the Tao Te Ching. He seemed to be really amiable, and as I look back at my history of friends, he would have been a perfect friend candidate. The problem is that I may never see him again. His schedule is once a week from 2-6, and mine is twice a week from 3-5, and although our schedules overlap, the place and person we are assigned to may be different. That's when I realized that although I thought I made a mistake in thinking that I could find more friends I could relate to in Ateneo, since It is hell searching for friends in that dog eat dog world, the fact is that good friend candidates exist in abundance in the most unexpected places, under the most unexpected circumstances. If I had met him in class, I would have shrugged him off as an M.E. grade whore. It was my preconceived biases and preconceived fictional hierarchies of everyone that hindered me from proper social interaction. All I needed was a level field where total anonymity shielded me from my own paranoia long enough to find proper friends. All I needed to do was treat everyone as my equal, and not look at myself as inferior, undeserving, or just plain different. I'm beyond the adolescent concepts of the "Imaginary Audience," and identity related egocentrism. I'm old enough to rise beyond the cognitive capability of adolescence.

When kuya Danilo finally arrived, we started working again. That meant walking around and around the whole market place for an hour, picking bit after bit of cigarette butt or ooze coated plastic bag. At 5:35, we finally returned to the market office. We punched in our cards to time out, and we were given our market IDs to wear for the next time we visited the market. As I said my goodbyes to the friend candidate that will probably never graduate to actual friend, I remembered some other very promising friendship candidates that never matured to real friendship. I always seem to meet the very best of humanity in the fringes of society. Interpret that as you may.

I walked down the road that leads to the highway where I was to take a jeepney to Gateway, and my mind again digressed to the thought of "Why do I have to do this?" Why was I picking up other people's trash for four hours a week? If it's immersion that they want for me, I've been to the very depths of Phillipine poverty before. I had been exposed to the lowest of lows, and the highest of highs in the social strata, which is something very few can truly speak of. It was at the moment of that thought that I looked right and saw the sign of a store that read "Althea." Alithea. That is what this experience is about. It is the unconcealdness of reality to a human person. No two experiences are the same. Each if examined is it's own treasure trove of thought and experience. I stand on the world and see only what my eyes can see. It is when I take a step in any direction that I realize that there is a world unexplored before me. If i lead myself to believe that one part of the world is precisely like the other, I do not do the world justice. I conceal a portion of the world, never to be realized by me. I do not do myself justice.

It is plainly impossible to say that I will have viewed the whole truth someday, but the fact that I try, and I pass on what the world has unconcealed to me as noema, and what I take in and examine from the world as noesis, leaves a hope that maybe someday truths gathered can make life even more worth living than I perceive. My experience may then leave a chance for some future child to realize the faults of his values system, as I have realized today. In summary, It is all about splagchnizomai. It is in my compassion to share truth, that it may make a difference not just to me but someone else. The truth is bittersweet, but the taste is worth the strife.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Toodles

39,269

17,512

8,751

Grabe! minority na nga, most hated pa...

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Holistic!

Cabauatan, Michael Joseph

Holistic Evaluation 2nd Sem, SY 2007-2008

This is a self evaluation in .gif format :p

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Balik-balikan Lang.

No words involved in my dismay

so words, they need not mend.

so try your best to understand

you needn't tell me anyway

this fear, not pain, leave words to fray

this fear that lets you bear in hand

the thought that friendship can't withstand

It is the fact that my dismay

is not of words; it is of way.

Basically: don't be paranoid.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Wish Under Stare

Gaiel, what is it you wish for most?

I wish not to feel.

To sacrifice your empathy?

No. Total apathy.

You deny your very existence.

Then I wish I never existed.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Open Letter.

What did you mean by what you said?

Say you didn't mean it as I interpreted.

It hurts too much to think I trusted you enough to be a true friend only to be let down by my own judgment, or by the incapability of my semantic understanding.

Whatever... If you didn't like me, you should have just said so.

Was it all false pretense then?

All a ploy?

Was I just some transitional creature to be forgotten in some lone rock, buried in time?

I don't need to make my life more interesting.

It was a blessed existence as it was.

I don't need a judge that rules by fire.

I need a friend.

You are a friend, right?

Please say you are.

There... that's real. The desperation is real.

All you needed to do was talk about your day and smile... and all the fears and loneliness would have faded away, with my knowing that there was someone there who still cared enough to share. You didn't need to know about how broken I am, or how much despair at loss had taken me over.

I just wanted to know you cared enough to share.

All I asked was that you share what you felt was excess of the soul.

Any indication of opening up would have been a dream come true.

whatever. There goes a huge chunk I, in hope, held on to.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

On Magic and Church Inconsistencies

This was a post I made in pinoy exchange...

this is going to sound oh so anti-Catholic...

a. I believe that Jesus' miracles weren't magic. They were extraordinary human experience (for the time) written into prose as symbols. e.g. Lepers weren't cured by Jesus. The definition of a "Leper" in Judea at Jesus' time was anyone with a skin disease, even pimples. If you had a skin disease, you were out-casted from society. If you are out-casted, people spit on you, stay as far away from you as possible, and condemn you because you are sinful. Your nation's law says that you have a skin disease because God hates you. Nobody at all wants to go near you, even less so be your friend. There are no opportunities for a stable job. Even your family is chastised as a sinful family. You fear for your soul, and the souls of your family, but there is absolutely no way you can offer sacrifice to God for forgiveness because... you have no money! Don't you think any ailment will get worse under these circumstances? Won't your rash worsen if untreated and aggravated with psychosomatic symptoms? Now... Jesus comes along and tells you, "I am your friend. God has forgiven your sins. I, the son of God, will dine with you." Don't you think this absolute vindication of all your suffering will result in the automatic dissipation of any psychosomatic and/or stress related illness? Anyway... that's what I mean by science and religion... The miracle there is not magic, but rather the fact that he was cured by the son of God, who befriended a sinner. The statistical possibility of a sinner being approached by anyone at the time is one in a billion. All he needed was some vindication, some love. That's the miracle.


b. All the rules of the Church change... but one thing has remained the same from Jesus' Ministry until today, and that is the fact that Jesus is message and messenger. The concepts of equality, charity, and living simply were always at the very core of Church teaching. It doesn't matter how grand the Basilica in Rome is. The main point is Social Responsibility. That hasn't changed in 2000 years of Church existence.


c. What's sad is that most Christians don't realize the message. Most are so stuck up following moral rules thinking that the end goal is heaven. Heaven isn't the goal... Bringing the kingdom of God to earth is the Goal. Heaven is where you go if you've done enough to try to bring the kingdom to earth.

I hope that was helpful... I'm not sure how helpful that was... thanks for the question though... that got me thinking really hard.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Boston Revisited.

The course to run is a fork in the road.

It seems clear to me now that a clinician is something I may not want to be.

I want to be Timothy John Baker.

I want to be from Boston.

This may be the drive I've looked for for so long.

To live in service to Philippine education.

To do that, I have to keep the short term in mind.

Make it to BC.

Be there, in order to learn.

Become an educator.

Serve for the entirety of existence.

I revisit Boston as an option for pathways to a fulfilling future.

I also open a new option.

FU.

God save.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

On Wealth

Please take time to read this...

People forget that Jesus was put on earth as a message. A part of that message is that the poor and oppressed are still with us. Even the poor seek extravagance. Yeah, they do. That doesn't mean that just because they're poor, they're morally correct... they are human as well. I don't see how anyone can say that amassing great wealth, even without being enslaved by it is correct... Christ was born into a middle class family, but chose to be with the outcasts of society such as The financially poor, the social outcasts, and the sinners. He chose to give himself wholly to these people. He lived his life giving to these people the message that God loved them, although the believed theological fact of the time was that God hated them, so he had condemned them. Jesus lived only by the hospitality of the generous, and his followers lived only in mediocre means. All things in excess were given for the basic necessities of proper human living. No true Christian should have excess in hand. In this day and age, where global society has reached a peak of poverty and moral depravity, how can any Christian truly say, "I am a good Christian although I have great wealth." The fact of the matter is, with all that has to be done to eliminate poverty in all its social, moral, and physical aspects, much is needed to establish God's kingdom on earth. When Jesus as the message was given to humanity two thousand years ago, he said that "The Kingdom of Heaven is at Hand." Christ never meant that if one decides to follow him according only to the moral conducts of his church, he would go to heaven. Rather, the message is that God is sending us to bring the Kingdom of God to earth by eliminating social inequality, moral depravity, and physical poverty. Heaven is only an afterthought. The message is to give ourselves wholly as well. One cannot truly say that "I give all of myself for the greater glory of God," and then amass a fortune to sustain the self. The amassing is in itself an act of selfishness that seeks to serve the self rather than Kingdom of God. I hope I made sense...

Saturday, January 19, 2008

High School Survey (Tuozo, 2008)

high school nman..

1. Bakit ka nahuhuli sa pila bago mag-flag ceremony?
> I'm one of the 10 earliest to arrive in the batch... I'm never late.
..

2. Anong favorite mong bilhin sa canteen?
> Taco Salad... Turon and Fried Chicken in Santie's!

3. Na-guidance/principal's office ka na ba?
> Pag birthday ni Fr. Manzana... kinakantahan namin sa office niya... plus pag may chorale beaurocratic work kami... pumupunta kami sa office niya :D

4. Sinong favorite teacher mo doon?
> probably Ms. Reyes... English GOD!

5. Tropa mo ba yung guard ng school niyo?
> hahahah! close kami ni Carpio! (Curfew)

6. Saan ka usually tumatambay? Why?
> Sa TTT! Tropang Tamad Table! kasi ang ganda ng location ng table namin e :p

7. What's your most unforgettable experience?
> Cheering Competitions... nobody cheers like an Augustinian

8. Varsity?
> chorale? semi varsity yun!

9. Sinong una mong nakilala sa highschool mo?
> same people since elementary... so.. yeah...

10. Sinu-sino mga kabarkada mo nung higschool?
> Iris, Nina, Tina, Mary, Alex, Verna, Lauren, Krish, Alfy, Maan, et al.

11. Nami-miss mo na ba yung uniform mo?
> Oh yeah... our uniform looks great with a khaki jacket... CSA uniforms are HOT!

12. Ilang beses mo nang nawawala ung ID mo?
> twice. It was once confiscated by the head teacher.

13. Favorite classmate?
> my chorale classmates :(

14. Most unforgettable person? Why?
> Iris! my gahd!

15. Kailan sa tingin mo dadating ang yearbook?
> March 13, 2006!

16. I-describe ang mukha mo sa graduation.
> babaeng mukhang lalaki.

17. Anong binibili mo sa labas tuwing uwian?
> Mudshake sa Rustan's San Antonio, or Fraps in Starbucks Petron-EdSA

18. Nakakita ka na ba ng multo sa school?
> we think so... creepy barong guy in CSA field...

19. Nangarag ka ba sa paghahabol sa projects?
> AHAHAHAHAH who hasn't...

20. Anong unang-una mong ginawa right after graduation?
> ripped off my school patch from my uniform :)

21. Ano naman ang papel mo sa Intrams?
> I was exempted from Intrams for the whole of High School!

22. Favorite subjects?
> Social Studies, and English.

23. Kung papalitan ang color ng uniform niyo, okay lang?
> I like our body slimming, body flattering, tight fit, pretty boy conyotique uniform as it is :)

24. Nasa Friendster mo ba yung crush mo sa highschool mo?
> yata...

25. Did you ever regret going to your highschool?
> yes. I have too much spite to lose.

26. Kilala mo ba kung sino ang nag- post nito?
> Talitha. She's not from my High School.

27. Sino sa mga ka-batch mo ang dapat isali sa STARSTRUCK?
> ang dami actually... we were a very arts and culture intrinsic school.

28. May bf ka ba nung highschool?
> si Iris. best friend ko (awww)

29. Kayo pa din ba ngayon?
> oo siya parin ata bf ko... pero we break up every other week.

30. Ano ang best section mo?
> 3G parin...

Thursday, January 17, 2008

The Tide Quoted

And he can't understand
How everyone goes on breathing when true love ends.
His mother whispers quietly;
Heaven's not a place that you go when you die,
It's that moment in life when you actually feel alive,
So live for the moment.
And take this advice, live by every word,
Love is just a hoax so forget everything that you have heard.


And there's three, count 'em-three
Children missing from the beach.
They were eager to learn,
To be taught, and to teach.

But the sad thing
Is that they never lived passed the age of fifteen
Due to neglect from their mother
Who was bed ridden by her ex-lover, their father.
And she didn't even notice, or pay much attention
As the tide came in and swept her three into the ocean.
Now all her advice, it seems useless.

Well, heaven's not a place that you go when you die.
It's that moment in life when you touch her and you feel alive.
So live for the moment.
And take this advice, live by every word,
Love's completely real,
So forget anything that you have heard,
And live for the moment now.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Para Lang Malaman Mo

Hindi dapat kita minahal,

pero gustuhin ito ng puso ko.

Ayaw lisanin ng aking tingin ang iyong katauhan.

Hindi kita dapat tinititigan,

pero hindi ako makaimik,

hindi ko maikot ang aking tingin mula sa iyong mukha.

Hindi ko malaman kung paano sabihing "ako'y okay"

kung kabaligtaran ang katotohanan.

Hindi ko malaman,

kung papaano walain ang nadaramang ito.

Para lang malaman mo,

inuubos ako ng pagmamahal ko para sa iyo,

pero di ko man lamang mapigilan.

Hindi ko kakayaning gumawa ng wala

at pabayaan na makuha niya ang pag-ibig mo.

Para lang malaman mo,

sinubukan ko ng buong makakaya na pakawalan ka,

pero hindi magawa na ikaw ay iwanan.

Kailangan ko lang masabi ang lahat bago ako ay tila mawala.

Para lang malaman mo.

Namamatay ako sa kalungkutang ito

at tila nagiisip kung bakit naghintay ako ng ganitong katagal.

Sa pagbabalikisip, naroon nga, hindi iniimikan.

Naghinintay lang naman ako.

Para lang malaman mo,

inuubos ako ng pagmamahal ko para sa iyo,

pero di ko man lamang mapigilan.

Hindi ko kakayaning gumawa ng wala

at pabayaan na makuha niya ang pag-ibig mo.

Para lang malaman mo,

sinubukan ko ng buong makakaya na pakawalan ka,

pero hindi magawa na ikaw ay iwanan.

Kailangan ko lang masabi ang lahat bago ako ay tila mawala.

Para lang malaman mo.

Monday, January 14, 2008

It is Befitting: 500 Beyond

500 Posts and Counting.

I have so much to be thankful for over the past 3 years of blogging.
3 years of literary review, social involvement, emo-ness, photoshop, and html.
This thing has been a real learning experience for me.
It takes a lot of thinking; putting up a semi-literary blog, but it's been fun.

Thanks to all those who supported me through everything.
Thanks especially to the co-bloggers and readers. Thanks also to the Orgees, Thea, Sanny, and Yeng. Thanks to Tropang Tamad, Iris, Meg, Alex, Lauren, Alfy, Mary, Nina, Maan, Tina. Thanks to the LR45 people who read up, Talitha, Jeddy, Abby, Anjo, Fionna, et al. Thanks to the TR people, Julz, Ley, Joel et al.

It is befitting that we are still here together.

I hope we stay this way for 500 more posts, and eternally after that.
Again, Thank You.

PLEASE SUPPORT PUBLIC EDUCATION

The Ateneo Center for Educational Development or ACED
provides a systematic, high impact, and visible program of support for the Philippine public school system. The center focuses it's efforts on four major areas of educational development:

- Teacher training and development
- Management development for schools
- Research and development
- Curriculum, textbook, and instructional materials development

ACED has helped, and sustained public schools all over the Philippines, especially in Nueva Ecija and in Quezon City. Aside from it's concentrated aid to these areas, ACED partners with the Dep-Ed and different NGOs and academic departments of the Loyola Schools of the Ateneo de Manila University to bring extensive multi-disciplinary teacher and principal training, as well as curriculum development for hundreds of teachers from all corners of the archipelago.

You can do your part to aid the center in uplifting the quality of public education in the Philippines by acquiring an ACED 2008 Planner each for only P120
proceeds are used to fund the many projects of ACED, all geared towards the betterment of Philippine public education. Buy an ACED 2008 Planner, and show your support for millions of public students, teachers, and administrators nationwide.

reply to this email with your requests, or call 4266001 loc. 4028 or 4029 for more details


Ateneo Center for Educational Development
3rd Floor, Hoffner Bldg., Social Development Complex, Ateneo de Manila University, Katipunan Avenue, Loyola Heights, Quezon City 1108, Philippines
http://www.ateneo.edu/index.php?p=88

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

The Poet's Narrative (The Epic of Apathy)

Gaiel,

It is hardest, when all you exist to do is to embody beauty in words. It is a life graced with the gift of finding awe in all things, but the virtue you live to embody is the very thing that demands your full devotion, chaining you eternally to it's bosom. Then when you find love, as I did, it is only at the moment you decide to give up everything that you discover that the chains that bind you are beyond your capability to emancipate from. No man who gives his all can sever himself fully from the object of devotion. That is beauty's curse.

Nakakabobo.

PM Blair: Mr. Estrada, is it true that the San Juanico bridge is the longest in the world?

Pres. Estrada: Uh, yes... Uh... Is London Bridge falling down?

Oh god my brain....

Sunday, January 06, 2008

The Novel Project That's Been On For Years

I finally got through 3 chapters of the overly planned underdeveloped "Epic of Apathy." It's been perc-ing in my head for 2 years now, but it's only been now that I was able to actually write down a piece (2 chapters!) The 21 chapter outline has been done for months, and the only real problem was filling in the spaces between each mark. I needed to write the damn thing... 2 chapters is short, and I plan on rewriting chapter 1, but at Ieast I started it. I WILL finish this book. This will be my prize. If you want a sneak peek into the writing, look for my blog posts with "apathy" or "epic" in the tag section. I just decided on Gael as main character tonight... it was either Gael or Mikio... I came up with those names months ago... yet I only decided now... Basic plot is Gael meets 3 problematics. Gael falls in love. Gael opens up. Gael's love is god. Gael searches for god's realm. Gael finds old gods. Gael on persistence, love, and doubt. Gael reads the writings on the wall. Gael rides the furry pink dragon. Gael finds his old god. Gael learns apathy.

Title:

The Epic of Apathy

Characters:

Gael - Anna - Jonathan - Amadeo - Abuel - Maria

Outline:

Chapter 1- Epic (summary in bullet form)

- the courage to wake

- awaken to the call of a sun beam

- numbness of fear, understanding

- apology to self for living (living as suicide)

- force of step

- silence and calm are not synonymous

- sunlight is a cage

Chapter 2- Gael

- wind on sandaled feet

- to face the risen sun

- the intersection of Abuel

- The eyes of gods

- god's never look down

- the pub, and anguish of lost youth

- a smile at others' sorrow

- depravity of the middle class

- the station: calm in chaos

- siren's wail

Chapter 3- The Narrative of Jonathan

- only we understand the god's realm

- we are bound by the very values that keep them alive

- The artist as artist

- art as a rose

- the artist's story

- the station as concrete

Others are still under process of revision/ rethinking...

You can read this because I ask you to help me make it... I'll post the stuff... you critique, edit etc.... pleassseeeee :D

Saturday, January 05, 2008

I Live as Sustained Existence

If the world is to be defined as God's dream, sustained by unending grace, yet untouchable by the creator himself, intervention would negate his very existence. If God intervened on anyone's behalf, he would have to have meddled with will. His very own principle is that he could never bend will. If he intervened, it would also seem an injustice to the rest of the world.

"Are we not all equal in your eyes father?"

If God intervened, he would be a liar. I cannot accept my creator to be a liar. If God is not a liar, then he cannot intervene in any way in the workings of man. His gift is our existence, and the fact that he continues to sustain it. People forget that we do not exist on our own accord. We are continually sustained.

"Help me father."

He cannot then meddle in our affairs. It then brings about the most sorrowful of images to those who look in front instead of looking above. It's mortifying to wake up everyday, knowing that you're alone, and the world you are about to expose yourself to has the capability of hurting you in any which way it can. There are billions of possibilities of hurt, and you have only your own strength and human kindness to depend on.

"I am not as strong as the world around me."

Human kindness is a limited thing. Newspapers and CNN seem to prove to us, or at most seed in us a paranoia that humanity has lost it's very namesake. I am alone. I am in the middle of this gift of sustained existence in a grand dream. When I look forward, I see only the despair of existence. What do I see when I look up?

"I pray to be where you are."

In the middle of the fear of existence, we remember that the one entity we turn upon to ease our pain, is the one entity that cannot lay a finger on us. Our pleas are heard, but on the other side of a great wall that the creator himself made, and promised himself he wouldn't breach until the right time. The pain we lift up high might eventually only serve to pain him.

"Forever."

I look up to a better place. I will live as best I can, to live eternally with he who sustained my existence. I look up with a will to be with the creator, not with false hopes and despair.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Timothy John Baker

If I were an American, I'd be Timothy John Baker.
I would be from Boston.

Masculinity Thing


You Are 47% Feminine, 53% Masculine
You are in touch with both your feminine and masculine sides.
You're sensitive at the right times, but you don't let your emotions overwhelm you.
You're not a eunuch, just the best of both genders.
Are You Masculine or Feminine?



Yes! I'm an X!!!! (it's a psych term. Look it up.) This doesn't do well for my macho image kuno though... HAhaHAhHAHHaahha...

Monday, December 17, 2007

Do NOT Support the Sumilao Farmers

SMC's projects in the province may actually be of more benefit to thousands of people in the province, as compared to the 55 farmers who lay claim to the 144 hectares.

If SMC puts up an industrial plant in the 144 hectare land currently under spotlight, they will be able to give jobs to hundreds of people in the community, and will be able to provide a market for the raw goods grown by thousands of local farmers. Wouldn't this be a better alternative than giving the land to 55 families? Imagine, sustained economic development in the region, through a stable market and jobs for thousands.

A thorough study of the case might lead you to this very same conclusion. The Governor of Bukidnon agrees with the industrialization of the Sumilao land.

The 55 Sumilao farmers claim is that Quisumbing, the original owner of the land was given five years to develop the land as an industrial area, and since he was unable to do so, the land should be reintegrated into Agrarian Reform to be distributed to the farmers.

Quisumbing maintained that he could not develop the property, because the Sumilao Farmers' continuous protests hindered him from a proper investment out of fear of the uncertainty of what may happen.

Basic Juris Prudence dictates that if a party is unable to comply with demands of it due to the persistence of another party which may benefit from the failure of the initial party, then the initial party may not be subjected to the original demands placed upon it.

I was graced by a personal interview with the former Assistant Administrator of the now defunct Agricultural Credit Administration, and he shared these views with me. This comes from a man who had dedicated his life to the service of he Filipino farmer. The same views are expressed by Governor Zubiri of Bukidnon. Again as in all my semi critical posts, this is an OPINION. Free Speech right?

Sunday, December 16, 2007

from joel

read youir blog... You are a friend who i trust very much and is worth keeping for the rest of my life(no gay intentions bro) :D

Friday, December 14, 2007

To: All Friends Past and Present (I'm Asking a Favor)

Okay... it's nearly my birthday.

I want to know if I've done something for anyone in the past 20 years. I feel unfulfilled, abandoned, ashamed, and a lot of other derogatory adjectives and adverbs that would only serve to fill a ream of paper. So now... sarcasm aside, I want to ask what have I done to YOU as a person. What have I done RIGHT? What have I done WRONG? What MEMORIES fill your head when my name pops out in conversation? What idiosyncrasies do you remember of me? Please answer... and also, please answer properly. I just want to remember what you remember, and maybe it can prove to be a way where-in I can learn from everything you narrate to me. I can learn about what to work on, and how I've evolved over time... Please?

just email me or comment here, or IM me or something... Please... I'll give friendster testimonials and multiply comments to anyone who does... :D

Thursday, December 13, 2007

mikecabology (Honrado, 2007)

Let others know a little more about yourself, repost "_______OLOGY"

Q: What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A: emoboy in ateneo.

Q: How many televisions are in your house?
A: 2

BIOLOGY

Q: Are you right-handed or left-handed?
A: Dextrous. dex comes from the latin for right. dextrous literally means "right handed"

Q: Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A: hmmm... just that thing all Jewish andor Pinoy boys get chopped off...

Q: What is the last heavy item you lifted?
A: My mother :D


Q: Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A: Never been unconscious...
(Tange, e pano pag tulog ka?! aber!?)
(insolent know nothing! semi-conscious ka pag tulog! how else would you explain physical stimuli entering dreams?) Psych crap... I'm sorry...


CRAPINOPOLOGY

Q: If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A: yeah... for emo sake...

Q: If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A: Jean, or maybe Mikio...

Q: What color/s do you think look best on you?
A: Green daw.......................... sabi ng lahat..............

Q: Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A: OMG!!!!! CLAY-DOH!!!!!! 3 yrs old!!!!!!

Q: Have you ever saved someone's life?
A: indirectly...

Q: Has someone ever saved yours?
A: indirectly...


SUPIDIOLOGY

Q: Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A: heck, I'll kiss a dog for $100... my mores say that no malice goes with anything.

Q: Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000
A: no.

Q: Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A: sure.

Q: Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
A: as long as: we're in a hospital, and I'm sedated, but conscious.

Q: Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human's life for $1,000,000?
A: no......


DUMBOLOGY

Q: What is in your left pocket?
A: nothing.

Q : Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
A: "It's like, soo not."

Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
A: hardwood!!

Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A: Sit. I meditate in the shower.

Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
A: 10 or more :D

Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A: last night, I talked to a cop for fun.

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: a Psychiatrist

Q: Who is number 1 on your top 6?
A: 1??


LASTOLOGY

Q: Friend(s) you talked to?
A: Iris... on my mobile.

Q: Last person who called you?
A: Iris... on my mobile.

Q: Person you hugged?
A: Iris... on my mobile. (kaya niyo yun? yes! kaya yan!)

Q: Last person you kissed?
A: kiss goodnight mommy and lolo :D

FAVORITOLOGY

Q: Number?
A: 3

Q: Season?
A: Tag-ulan.

CURRENTOLOGY
Q: Missing someone?
A: nah...

Q: Mood?
A: mediocre.

Q: Watching?
A: my weight? :D

Q: Worrying about?
A: Psy103: Developmental Psychology, Hell Application.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Intra-Personal (A Memoir Homage to Rene O. Villanueva)

Rene O. Villanueva

(September 22, 1954 - December 5, 2007)

I will not act as if I had known him all my life. I will not pretend to be a constant follower of his works, nor will I bother to list the multitude of accomplishments he has gathered through the years. I will present who Rene Villanueva was to me. It is most important you understand that my point of view is rare and unlike any, for when I had gotten to spend time with him, I did not fully know who he was. He was simply introduced to us as "Rene O. Villanueva, children's writer for Adarna Books," and so my initial knowing of him was not of the literary genius that most begin to know him by, but rather of a man who simply wrote for a living. I met Sir Rene when I was 13 years old. I and a friend were invited to join a story writing and storytelling workshop sponsored by the Cultural Center of the Philippines. The workshop was originally for pubic pre-school and elementary teachers, but since two people backed out at the last minute, we two 13 year old know nothings took their place. We were to spend more than a week in a retreat house, in one of the more wooded areas in Silang, Cavite. When we had arrived there, the seminar immediately began. Sir Rene was the quietest man I had ever met. He was always at the back corner of the room, with his arms folded, leaning against the bamboo pillars of the seminar area. He left his co-presenter to do the necessary introductions, and when his name was called, he merely raised a hand, still silent, and then returned his hand into the tucked position beneath his arm. In the afternoon, the formal workshop would begin. He was the first to present to us his seminar on story writing. He sat there with us on the wooden floor, and calmly gave his lecture. He requested we search our thoughts for an everyday item, and write a story regarding it. He taught us that being too obsessed with our grammar during the initial stages of writing would only hinder our creative flow. He taught us that when we write, we should always think about our audience. Writing is never supposed to be an act of selfishness. Good writing is always done with the audience in mind. Find common ground with your audience. You are connected via the things you write, and the stronger the connection between you and your audience, the better the piece of literature. We then read our stories one by one to our 14 fellow participants in the seminar. He then gave comments and suggestions to each story. My story was of a tin can that had been rolling around Manila for a decade. I wanted to catch my audience’s attention by relating to them the familiar filth and poverty that littered the city. I felt proud of my work, which was well written, and with social value. When I had ceased my narration, he stared at me with that blank stare that never seemed to leave his face, and he said, “That was good, but no one likes a preachy can.” He told me that the idea was nice, but when the can started to critique the situation versus being just a spectator, it became comical. That was a lesson I never forgot. After his story writing seminar, the story telling seminar began. He stayed with us even during the story telling workshop, although as before his own workshop began, he was standing at the back with his arms folded again. In the seminar, we were asked to read to some local children, a book from Adarna Books. I was constantly under fire from the presenter because my Filipino wasn’t as well developed as that of my constituents. To give a clue, the presenter used to call me “English Boy.” It was at this point, where I in my pride, chose to read to the children in Filipino. The book I was tasked to read was entitled “War Makes Me Sad” by Ordinario. The presenter gave me the book because it was the only one in English, although it had Filipino subtitles. It was a book about a Muslim girl caught between the crossfire of a Moro-Christian battle in Mindanao. I studied the book as best I could, and I got pronunciation lessons from some of my companions, but in the end, I could not fully project the full spectrum of emotions shown by the piece. It was at this point, as I was practicing one day in the main hall that Sir Rene sat down beside me and asked if he could help me. He took me to the back portion of the main hall and told me that “A story should be said in the comfort of your own language.” He continued to say that it would be better to deliver the story in English, where I would be able to fully use my understanding of the language to give life to the story. I decided though that I was to deliver the story in Filipino. He nodded, and was supportive. He gave me tips on how to read properly. He listened to my recitations and commented on how I could improve myself. He basically taught me how intonations and stresses in Filipino were very different from English. He also taught me that words are not the only means of how an author can connect with an audience. An author is not merely a writer, but he is most importantly a story teller. You do not just tell “a story”, but rather “someone’s story.” By telling the character’s story, the story teller can gain an even closer bond with the audience, and when stories are told properly, the person reaches the final goal of all story tellers, which is to bring emotion to people’s lives. To bring emotion to people’s lives; that would be the thrust that would drive me forward in literary study. I was given a task, which is to be able to bring emotion into an impersonal world. When I told the story of the Muslim girl who hated war, it was a personal landmark in many ways. It was the first time I had told someone’s story in my native language. It was also what I consider my true literary awakening. I wish to be at least half the story teller Rene Villanueva was. He taught me many things in the days of the seminar, but with all the great lessons I learned, he left me with one last. Fairy tales don’t always have to end the way they were meant to. A character might search for gold, yet find an even greater treasure at the end. He was truly a great man, and a giant of a literary figure. In the end though, it wasn’t what he wrote that made him such a great man in my eyes, but rather, it was his great understanding of the close relation of stories and human emotion.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Congrats On 11 COEs!!! (Warning: Pagyayabang Extreme)

11 CENTERS OF EXCELLENCE
and to make it all the more sweeter...

LONE AWARDEE for CENTER OF EXCELLENCE in...
BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION
and
ENTREPRENEURSHIP

Go! Ateneo!

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec

Henri Marie Raymond de Toulouse-Lautrec Monfa, a French artist, was born to the family of the Comte Alfonse and Comtess Adelle de Toulouse-Lautrec on November 24, 1864. He was a sickly boy from the very beginning, owing mostly to the fact that since his family is of the French aristocracy; his lineage was tainted by years of incest, and the corresponding genetic disorders commonly derived from it. An example of such incest is the marriage of his parents who are first cousins. Scholars mainly attribute a genetic disorder to cause the events that would eventually change his life forever. The disease Henri was inflicted with is called Pyknodysostosis and was, in more modern times, renamed after him as Toulouse-Lautrec Syndrome. This very uncommon disease of the bone causing rickets, and eventually causing leg bones to cease growing, was discovered in Henri in his pre-teens, when he had fractured both his legs, in two separate accidents. Although his torso continued to grow, his legs retained their length as when they were fractured, never to heal. His full adult height was merely 4’5”. After his mishaps, he was secluded within the walls of his home, mostly painting or drawing on any surface available. When he turned 18 years old, he became the student of a prominent artist in Paris, where his artistic skills were more thoroughly developed. He then spent the remainder of his life in the Parisian town of Montmartre living with art and liquor, in one of the liveliest and most well known entertainment districts in the world. He died at the age of 37 due to excessive alcohol intake, which aggravated a venereal disease he had earlier gotten.

Individual Psychology can look at Toulouse-Lautrec’s development in many ways, but what is most prominent in his example is his exemplar will to strive for success. Although he was greatly stunted by his body, this never stopped him from wanting to excel in things that he could excel in, and as a direct consequence of his inability to exemplify himself in other aspects of living such as sports, he simply shrugged away the subject in a very cynical, defensive manner, as was attested to by friends and acquaintances. Henri was a very intelligent child to begin with. Documentations of his childhood show him as an aggressive figure who hated to lose. He also established dominance over others to compensate for his weak physiology. He liked to show off his intelligence to all, once talking in perfect English to the family’s vassals, just to show off his knowledge. He also made it a point to be competitive, yet to maintain a friendly relationship with his cousins and siblings. After the incidence of his fractures though, he dwelt more on art and the theatre as his stage for success striving. His art which uses a post modernist style ala Degas is different from other post modernists. His inspiration came mostly from the daily life in Montmartre, from the walking hours of a couple in bed, to the lively night shows of the French cabarets, or scenes within the brothels, which he used to frequent. His work is said to be more vivid, yet more realistic than most post modernists. He paid a very great attention to detail, and persevered to maintain the realism of his work, while giving it more passion through more vivid coloring, and at all times maintaining the high artistic value of aesthetics. He prided himself in his work. Although he maintained many idols in the artistic sense, he always wanted to be different if not better than them.

In friendships, he chose the avant garde. He was continuously with cabaret dancers, prostitutes, fellow artists, and stage actors. He respected all equally, and had a strangely strong belief in human equality, which is a kind of reaction formation for being treated so differently by others. His friends maintain though that he was for the most part, a “frank and cynical sardonic.” He was said to have treated everyone equally, but equal in the sense that they were all treated with the same indifferent mocking. They also attest to the fact that he was prone to depression attacks, especially when he sees a person who “lives a life he cannot live.” Henri always considered himself a huntsman manque or human hunter. He loved seeking out people that piqued jis interest. Biographies show that this may be because of his training in hunting when he was younger. Since his body failed to allow him ro hunt foxes and game, he hunted people, in a sense. Another expression of his drive for superiority is the fact that he loved boating. He was resigned to the fact that he could not excel in sports because of his disability, but as boating doesn’t need string legs, but rather, a strong torso, he strove to excel in it. Another example is his love of dressing up, or being in the theatre. His father had the very same hobby, and the believed reason for his inheritance of the hobby is that initially he treated his father as a rival, yet he loved his father. His costumes were always more modern, or more diverse than his father’s.

In summary, Individual Psychology states that the reason for striving for perfection is to overcome difficulties. It also states that success striving is a mechanism of the inferiority complex. How much one strives due to the inferiority complex is dependent on the degree of trained social interest. Adaptation, training, and learning are important for striving for success to ensue. In Henri’s case, we see that it is in some way a textbook case. He only strived in areas wherein he was trained or grew accustomed to, such as in art, theatre, and languages. As his physical state inhibited his mental capacity, and since a trained social interest in sports and hunting was also instilled, Henri made up for his deficiency by finding similar niches that suited his disability. Another very interesting fact is that he never cried. Even when he was in extreme pain, or in his childhood when he broke his legs and they discovered they would never heal or grow, he never shed a tear. He maintained his stance of superiority until the day he died. His last words, given to his own father were, “You old fool.”

Sunday, December 02, 2007

To The Girl Who Chose Home

Don't think that I don't mind. If anything, out of all of them who say they sympathize, I'm quite sure that I'm the one who will dwell on this most. It's a thought not best remembered, but things that were never meant for me to ponder, I have. I will treat this as what my mind in psychic form wills itself to manifest; which is as the flood of tears that fall as silent mist upon a sun dry lip, or as the inner echos of a scream, silent yet far reaching, from the hardened chambers of emotional being.

I hold your symbol in my hands.

That is how much has to be spilled for my guilt.

The reproach was mild, and coy was the banter, with life lessons sublimed into the delivery. As important as you are to me, so is the pedestal on which you stand. Maybe deliverance does have it's prize, but the price one drops to fulfill the say is higher than if you had never had the say at all. Did you have to do such? No, maybe out of all the clay dolls that paraded in sweet surrended before my eyes, you were by far the most substantial. You sought to return to the oven from which you came. You were formed not by our fires, but by the fires of yours. Too hot was your skin to have been strong to survive, or maybe too fresh from the pick.

Everything for once is familliar.

Not though in comfort, but in change.

What now that the rage and rainbow fish of ninety's lore have gone through the mind, and out the window? The perspiration fails to bead, and the shaking of my limbs have numbed. This fear is far beyond the fear you face. You return to which my fear negates in existence. You leave behind which in existence my fear negates. The spinning cannot stop, and I am not so naive to try to do so. We are past the point where you talk and I listen. I hand picked you from the garden, o ingrateful grape. No, the grape may choose to roll it's own. I just hoped the grape would be still in my palm, so I may one day savor it's delight.

Goodbye good grape

clay doll

twin pedestal

fear.

I'll miss you.